Today, my boyfriend told me that he had once been possessed by demons, and that he now sleeps with a knife under his pillow for protection from, "The dark spirits that are feasting upon his soul." I'm not sure that I'll be sleeping over anytime soon. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was awoken to a punch in the face. My boyfriend said I was giggling in my sleep and he thought I was possessed. FML
Today, at 3 in the morning, I was getting out of bed to use the bathroom, when my boyfriend grabbed my arm, looked at me wide-eyed and begged, "Don't... They'll take your skin..." He doesn't remember saying it, and now I'm scared shitless to use the bathroom at night. FML
Today, my boyfriend informed me that sharing a bed with me was like sleeping with a seizing cat. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend why he never wants to sleepover anymore. He said he loves me, but that sleeping next to me is like sleeping next to someone reenacting the crucifixion while being mauled to death by squirrels. So much for cuddling through the night. FML
Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, who has frequent night terrors, also sleepwalks. And apparently sleep-pisses on the bathroom rug. FML
Today, a baseball bat fell on my head while my boyfriend and I were cuddling. The same baseball bat that he keeps next to the bed, because he genuinely fears a zombie outbreak. FML
Today, I woke up to my psycho roommate trying to baptize me in my sleep. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over while I was babysitting my little brother. He wouldn't stay in bed, so my boyfriend told him,"If you don't stay in bed, the monster will eat you!" I now have to wash my brother's bedsheets, because he was too afraid to get up and go pee. FML
Today, it was my first time sleeping at my boyfriend’s house. I happened to have an incredibly realistic nightmare in which I woke up to thousands of centipedes crawling all over my body. My boyfriend got to watch me scream and slap myself repeatedly. FML
Today, I found a disturbing video on my 8-year-old's tablet. In the video, I was suffering from sleep paralysis. He's convinced I'm part demon. FML
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Top comments
SkoomaKi 28
I hope he doesn't twitch in his sleep. Also he's an idiot who will probably end up stabbing himself and you (if you're staying over).
Dimence 9
Just, run.
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Comments (106)
ThePieGuy0817 29
Think me insane if you wish, but I think it's possible he's not lying. Most people are nonbelievers, but I've had some experiences that can't be explained by modern logic.
Shade1982 21
Believer or not, neither logic would make me any more comfortable sleeping over...
rt567 15
love the user name!
PrincessCastiel 27
Sam, get the holy water! (Supernatural reference haha)
ZeeIck 8
It's not funny if you need to explain it...
ZeeIck 8
The dark spirits that feed on my secret stash of Reese's told me that you need a new boyfriend. FYL.
lucasj23 11
I'm trying to figure out why he's still your boyfriend.
DLBL 23
You don't want to become a victim. Direct him to mental health and make tracks the other way.