Today, working as an EMT on an ambulance, we had a patient who refused to accept that he had a massive GI bleed, despite the fact that bloody stool was flowing from his anus all over my ambulance. To make things worse, my EMT ride-along student puked all over the patient. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had a ride along in an ambulance. Being observant, I thought it was funny that a patient had to vomit. That was until I realized they couldn't control where they had to vomit. I spent the rest of the ambulance ride holding a vomit bag in front of the woman's face. Not so funny anymore. FML
Today, I was working as a paramedic when my patient's colostomy bag exploded all over me. I was covered in fecal matter, with 5 hours left on my shift. FML
Today, we had a patient projectile vomiting in our ambulance. I didn't know she had puked on our cot until I found it with my bare hand at the hospital. FML
Today, my ambulance got called out for a "stomach pain" patient. Upon assessment, the guy really did have stomach pain. His colostomy bag fell off a week ago, so to stop the crap from falling out, he duct taped it shut. It exploded when I helped him up. FML
Today, while working at the hospital, I had a patient with a blocked bowel. It was so bad, feces were entering into her stomach. While leaning down to talk with her, she threw up. I was both vomited and defecated on at the same time. FML
Today, I drove a friend to the emergency room because he thought he had appendicitis. While sitting in the waiting room, I got puked on by a child. My friend's diagnosis? Gas. So he also farted all the way home. FML
Today, after working many 80+ hour weeks, a patient called to urgently come with their sick infant. Of course, I stayed late to help them. The baby had been constipated for a full 24 hours, and the parents had panicked. During the examination, the baby shat on my table. FML
Today, in frustration, I threw a spanner across the room at work, but it bounced back and hit me in the head. I woke up in an ambulance with a cracked skull and a gorgeous EMT lady. I would've tried to ask her out, but while I was out cold I'd pissed myself, and the whole ambulance reeked of it. FML
Today, I got projectile-vomited on while trying to administer meds to a patient. Twenty minutes later, a patient with schizophrenia threw his shitty diaper at my face. All this happened in the first hour of my 12-hour shift. I didn't bring any extra scrubs and I live an hour away from work. FML
Today, I was helping this girl to the nurse’s office because she was so sick that she could barely walk. About halfway there, she stopped and vomited on me. My jaw was dropped in shock when she threw up on me again. A little went into my mouth. FML
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Top comments
kwchambers92 10
Sounds like a mess, a bloody shitty mess...
Buttsexpirate 9
His anus is bleeding! I said his anus is bleeding!
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Comments (68)
cupcakes729 7
Umm.....tmi?
Eddie465 0
Bring.....bring....amber-lamps
DanielleTheOne 3
some poor guys bloody crap was leaking out of his ass, and another poor guys throwing up. Look on the bright side, you're neither of them!
lemiller69 1
Can you say HIPAA violation?...
DocBastard 40
How exactly is this a HIPAA violation? There would have to be some kind of identifying feature about the patient. You don't know his name, his age, his medical history...you don't even know if he lives in California (where OP is posting from). You don't know JACK SHIT about this patient except that he is a he, therefore there is no violation. Stupid comments about legal shit piss me off.
lemiller69 1
You don't have to give specific details about the patient in order for it to be a violation. Saying anything about the patient to ANYONE (including the entire Internet on FMyLife) other than the patients health care workers, legal guardians, or next of kin, is illegal. I work in a hospitals legal office, and I've seen people lose their jobs over less.
fthku 13
Today, I was eating as I was reading this FML. FML.
hemz_fml 13
Yup....you just explained my last date...
Beowulf209 5
I'm going to share this with my EMT students. BTW, the ride-a-long should've cleaned your rig! :)
FlonkertonChamp 6
damn, rough ******* day. but thank you for the work that you do. if it weren't for EMTs, my sister would be dead, so seriously... thank you.
Xblondie69X 0
Nastyy!!
xxcaitlinmarie 0
I'm an EMT and it almost sounds like when my crew found an old German woman with a GI bleed so bad she was stuck to the chair because the blood dried her to it.