Today, working as an EMT on an ambulance, we had a patient who refused to accept that he had a massive GI bleed, despite the fact that bloody stool was flowing from his anus all over my ambulance. To make things worse, my EMT ride-along student puked all over the patient. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had a ride along in an ambulance. Being observant, I thought it was funny that a patient had to vomit. That was until I realized they couldn't control where they had to vomit. I spent the rest of the ambulance ride holding a vomit bag in front of the woman's face. Not so funny anymore. FML
Today, I was working as a paramedic when my patient's colostomy bag exploded all over me. I was covered in fecal matter, with 5 hours left on my shift. FML
Today, we had a patient projectile vomiting in our ambulance. I didn't know she had puked on our cot until I found it with my bare hand at the hospital. FML
Today, my ambulance got called out for a "stomach pain" patient. Upon assessment, the guy really did have stomach pain. His colostomy bag fell off a week ago, so to stop the crap from falling out, he duct taped it shut. It exploded when I helped him up. FML
Today, while working at the hospital, I had a patient with a blocked bowel. It was so bad, feces were entering into her stomach. While leaning down to talk with her, she threw up. I was both vomited and defecated on at the same time. FML
Today, I drove a friend to the emergency room because he thought he had appendicitis. While sitting in the waiting room, I got puked on by a child. My friend's diagnosis? Gas. So he also farted all the way home. FML
Today, after working many 80+ hour weeks, a patient called to urgently come with their sick infant. Of course, I stayed late to help them. The baby had been constipated for a full 24 hours, and the parents had panicked. During the examination, the baby shat on my table. FML
Today, in frustration, I threw a spanner across the room at work, but it bounced back and hit me in the head. I woke up in an ambulance with a cracked skull and a gorgeous EMT lady. I would've tried to ask her out, but while I was out cold I'd pissed myself, and the whole ambulance reeked of it. FML
Today, I got projectile-vomited on while trying to administer meds to a patient. Twenty minutes later, a patient with schizophrenia threw his shitty diaper at my face. All this happened in the first hour of my 12-hour shift. I didn't bring any extra scrubs and I live an hour away from work. FML
Today, I was helping this girl to the nurse’s office because she was so sick that she could barely walk. About halfway there, she stopped and vomited on me. My jaw was dropped in shock when she threw up on me again. A little went into my mouth. FML
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Top comments
kwchambers92 10
Sounds like a mess, a bloody shitty mess...
Buttsexpirate 9
His anus is bleeding! I said his anus is bleeding!
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Comments (68)
My_Nightmare 19
You're stronger than I am. I would've been puking too. Good for you and your strong stomach!
smirnoff1695 0
Sounds like a sticky situation.
every1luvsboners 11
Bloody stool flowing from someone's anus is just a typical Saturday night for me. Hopefully you carry butt-plugs on that ambulance.
guitgod1 11
For some reason I feel better about my job after reading this.
Albertkoholic 8
Am I the only 1 who doesn't know what a 'GI bleed' is??
aznpiboy24 5
Google it. Your on some device that has interweb capabilities.
emz89 0
I was thinking the same thing so I looked it up. It's gastrointestinal bleeding
superangryandy 2
Whats gastronomical bleeding?
THE_A_TEEN 28
Ask DocBastard..
The_Troller 14
I would've look it up, but since it relates to bloody shit, I decided not to. At least not until I get out of school.
DocBastard 40
It means bleeding from somewhere in the GI tract, mouth through anus. Blood coming from below usually indicates lower GI tract (distal small intestine through anus), though it could be a briskly bleeding upper GI source (bleeding gastric or duodenal ulcer). The most common lower GI bleed source is hemorrhoidal or diverticular, though AV malformations and cancers can occasionally cause them.
temtatn 6
Holy shit Doc!
LaDeFreakinDa 4
this is probably a stupid question since I should know more about my own condition. my AV malformation is in my brain can you have them in your intestines?
DocBastard 40
AV malformations can occur anywhere where there are blood vessels. In other words, anywhere.
FlonkertonChamp 6
it's rare, but yes, AVMs can occur anywhere
zombiekitten87 12
How does someone refuse to accept that?
yscpunkchick 14
that has to be one of the worst smells ever! hope you had time to air out your rig
07jeepster 0
Ah ha lol on a 48hr shift now. GI bleeds stink.... Bad
cmayo 3
You should have had a shit fight with the student.
terrask 11
Ish... I'm with ya buddy, at least the kid ''knows'' now.