Today, working as an EMT on an ambulance, we had a patient who refused to accept that he had a massive GI bleed, despite the fact that bloody stool was flowing from his anus all over my ambulance. To make things worse, my EMT ride-along student puked all over the patient. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had a ride along in an ambulance. Being observant, I thought it was funny that a patient had to vomit. That was until I realized they couldn't control where they had to vomit. I spent the rest of the ambulance ride holding a vomit bag in front of the woman's face. Not so funny anymore. FML
Today, I was working as a paramedic when my patient's colostomy bag exploded all over me. I was covered in fecal matter, with 5 hours left on my shift. FML
Today, we had a patient projectile vomiting in our ambulance. I didn't know she had puked on our cot until I found it with my bare hand at the hospital. FML
Today, my ambulance got called out for a "stomach pain" patient. Upon assessment, the guy really did have stomach pain. His colostomy bag fell off a week ago, so to stop the crap from falling out, he duct taped it shut. It exploded when I helped him up. FML
Today, while working at the hospital, I had a patient with a blocked bowel. It was so bad, feces were entering into her stomach. While leaning down to talk with her, she threw up. I was both vomited and defecated on at the same time. FML
Today, I drove a friend to the emergency room because he thought he had appendicitis. While sitting in the waiting room, I got puked on by a child. My friend's diagnosis? Gas. So he also farted all the way home. FML
Today, after working many 80+ hour weeks, a patient called to urgently come with their sick infant. Of course, I stayed late to help them. The baby had been constipated for a full 24 hours, and the parents had panicked. During the examination, the baby shat on my table. FML
Today, in frustration, I threw a spanner across the room at work, but it bounced back and hit me in the head. I woke up in an ambulance with a cracked skull and a gorgeous EMT lady. I would've tried to ask her out, but while I was out cold I'd pissed myself, and the whole ambulance reeked of it. FML
Today, I got projectile-vomited on while trying to administer meds to a patient. Twenty minutes later, a patient with schizophrenia threw his shitty diaper at my face. All this happened in the first hour of my 12-hour shift. I didn't bring any extra scrubs and I live an hour away from work. FML
Today, I was helping this girl to the nurse’s office because she was so sick that she could barely walk. About halfway there, she stopped and vomited on me. My jaw was dropped in shock when she threw up on me again. A little went into my mouth. FML
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Top comments
kwchambers92 10
Sounds like a mess, a bloody shitty mess...
Buttsexpirate 9
His anus is bleeding! I said his anus is bleeding!
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Comments (68)
Synyster430 0
For a second I thought EMT meant 'EpicMealtime'
LennyComa 39
That ridealongs gonna have to man up...or at least learn how to hold his stomach
heyred 11
GI bleeds are quite possibly the most grotesque stench on the planet. No wonder your student hurled!
DocBastard 40
No, the worst smell is necrotic colon. Imagine a dead large intestine filled with shit. THAT stench stays with you for days, I promise you. There is nothing worse.
cmil 0
I'm a medic and I've been there. That sucks.
abongi17 0
Hahahaha welcome to the wonderful world of ems
Realizes 3
Epic Meal Time? ;).
evilteddybear 0
Sorry my fault completely;)
amoss1028 0
ew... can you say new job....i would have straight told the driver stop...just stop this ****** thing i can walk from here...thank you...sir apply pressure u seem to be a little ******....
leadman1989 16
First few lines make you sound like barbie well TODAY I was an EMT but tomorrow I'm gonna be an astronaut. But seriously FYL!
charlotte100 2
Mustard and ketchup!