Today, working as an EMT on an ambulance, we had a patient who refused to accept that he had a massive GI bleed, despite the fact that bloody stool was flowing from his anus all over my ambulance. To make things worse, my EMT ride-along student puked all over the patient. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had a ride along in an ambulance. Being observant, I thought it was funny that a patient had to vomit. That was until I realized they couldn't control where they had to vomit. I spent the rest of the ambulance ride holding a vomit bag in front of the woman's face. Not so funny anymore. FML
Today, I was working as a paramedic when my patient's colostomy bag exploded all over me. I was covered in fecal matter, with 5 hours left on my shift. FML
Today, we had a patient projectile vomiting in our ambulance. I didn't know she had puked on our cot until I found it with my bare hand at the hospital. FML
Today, my ambulance got called out for a "stomach pain" patient. Upon assessment, the guy really did have stomach pain. His colostomy bag fell off a week ago, so to stop the crap from falling out, he duct taped it shut. It exploded when I helped him up. FML
Today, while working at the hospital, I had a patient with a blocked bowel. It was so bad, feces were entering into her stomach. While leaning down to talk with her, she threw up. I was both vomited and defecated on at the same time. FML
Today, I drove a friend to the emergency room because he thought he had appendicitis. While sitting in the waiting room, I got puked on by a child. My friend's diagnosis? Gas. So he also farted all the way home. FML
Today, after working many 80+ hour weeks, a patient called to urgently come with their sick infant. Of course, I stayed late to help them. The baby had been constipated for a full 24 hours, and the parents had panicked. During the examination, the baby shat on my table. FML
Today, in frustration, I threw a spanner across the room at work, but it bounced back and hit me in the head. I woke up in an ambulance with a cracked skull and a gorgeous EMT lady. I would've tried to ask her out, but while I was out cold I'd pissed myself, and the whole ambulance reeked of it. FML
Today, I got projectile-vomited on while trying to administer meds to a patient. Twenty minutes later, a patient with schizophrenia threw his shitty diaper at my face. All this happened in the first hour of my 12-hour shift. I didn't bring any extra scrubs and I live an hour away from work. FML
Today, I was helping this girl to the nurse’s office because she was so sick that she could barely walk. About halfway there, she stopped and vomited on me. My jaw was dropped in shock when she threw up on me again. A little went into my mouth. FML
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Top comments
kwchambers92 10
Sounds like a mess, a bloody shitty mess...
Buttsexpirate 9
His anus is bleeding! I said his anus is bleeding!
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Comments (68)
Mikko8 15
cool story, bro
SkardeyKat 3
How can someone refuse to accept there is blood gushing from their anus?
jwally726 0
Cause they think they know everything then they call you back a half hour later cause now they feel dizzy
stevenmx86 8
Ydi for making this about you when a guy was bleeding from his ass...
DerangedKitten 6
That is truly a FYL scenario. Sorry dude.
elochai 3
Should have jerked off on him for the 'triple threat' crown.
ikickgingers 15
If you are an EMT paramedic... I hope you made an EMT1 clean that bitch. If you are an intermediate, fyl...
ZXDriver 0
This may be a little too much for Pepto Bismol.
MyAssIsCute 5
This is irrelevant, but you're pic is awesome lmao
Jimster1712 0
Oh Jesus , you so punny..
False_Stupidity 42
Who is?
Lunaa94 6
Jesus, obviously.
Locoluis 15
I hope they fail that fussy student. People with delicate stomachs don't belong in Healthcare.
Decapitation 3
He was shooting SHIT and BLOOD everywhere! Oh yeah, I guess he is a "fussy" for puking at the site of a man ******** blood all over himself.
kimmiekimmiekong 0
ya that kid should not be in an ambulance thinking of becoming paramedic if he has a weak stomach!!
Xxsuper_medicxX 3
That's what the student's for haha