Today, I was telling my friend how much I love my 20-year-old kitchen scale, because it has this one handy function that even new ones don’t have. Later, my mom melted it on the stove and isn’t even convinced she should buy me a new one. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom came over for dinner. She lost her mind, screaming and yelling, because my oven melted the dollar store cooking dish that she insisted on using. Never mind the fact I’m going to have to pay a couple hundred, if not a thousand dollars for a new stove. Oh no, she’s out a whole buck. FML
Today, when I weighed myself on my scale, it broke. FML
Today, my mother-in-law gifted us with a new microwave. I told her it was too much and we didn't really need it. Her response, "I just want my grandkids to have food that tastes good for once." I'm a chef. FML
Today, I had to explain very slowly to my mum why she cannot put metal cutlery in the microwave. She did it anyway. FML
Today, I overheard my mother telling a friend she got me oven mitts for Christmas. I got her two cruise tickets. I hate to cook. Which she knows. FML
Today, when I stepped on the scale this morning, I broke it. Now my family won’t stop making fun of me and calling me names like "chubby" and "fatso". The scale was really old and I weigh 110 pounds. FML
Today, I bought my mother an apple pie. She made a face at it and said that she'd decided to go on a diet. After I'd left the house, she put it in the oven, forgot about it, and burnt it to a crisp. She then called me up to inform me that I'd wasted my money, and to get her "another damn pie." FML
Today, I realized I have a weight problem. My brother excitedly showed me his new high-end scale and measured his weight, then our other brothers. I took one step on it and the screen read "E". It then shut off and hasn't turned on since. FML
Today, I left my MacBook Pro on the kitchen counter, so my mother later ran it through the dishwasher, thinking it was a “lovely apple chopping board”. FML
Today, I told my stepdad 3 times not to unload my new stove by himself, being worried about both the appliance and his bad back. When I came back to the car two minutes later, he'd taken the stove out and was wondering where that huge scratch on the side might have come from. FML
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Top comments
tounces7 28
If she's typically as toxic as she sounds, you realize it's entirely possible to 100% cut someone out of your life, even if they're your parent, right? In fact, it's recommended.
sirrubberduckie 37
What is the handy function?
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Comments (3)
tounces7 28
If she's typically as toxic as she sounds, you realize it's entirely possible to 100% cut someone out of your life, even if they're your parent, right? In fact, it's recommended.
sirrubberduckie 37
What is the handy function?
flagbitch 8
That's a crappy thing for a mom to do. I'm sorry. You're probably more mature than she is. Something that unique and valuable should have been handled with more care.