Today, I was moving out of my old place. While walking around to make sure I would get my damage deposit back, I stepped on my roommate's lipstick and smeared it all over the white carpet. Then I tripped on the phone cord and ripped the whole thing out of the wall. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was cleaning my apartment because I'm moving. I was being really thorough so I could get as much of the damage deposit back as possible. I noticed I still had one of those 3M plastic hooks on the wall, and when I went to carefully take it off, a large chunk of the wall came with it. FML
Today, I started packing up the flat I have been renting. As I took a picture off the wall I also ripped half the wallpaper. That's my deposit gone. FML
Today, I walked into my bedroom and realized I really needed to clean it. As I started to pick everything up off of the floor, I tripped over a shoe, slipped on a water bottle, pulled down my shoe rack, and landed in my armoire. My room is now dirtier than it was when I started. FML
Today, while attempting to sneak out of my boyfriend's parents' house during my walk of shame, I fell down the stairs, spilling cherry coke all over myself, their walls, and the carpet. FML
Today, after I had finished vacuuming, I ripped the cord out of the outlet and it hit me in the face cutting both my top and bottom lip. FML
Today, someone did a hit and run on my car hard enough to knock it onto the curb from its parking spot, destroying the bumper. They didn't leave any info behind. After taking care of police reports and such, I got home and took off my shoes just to step in a puddle of my roommate's horrible cat's diarrhea. FML
Today, I finished painting my living room. I had to leave the house in a rush. When I got home, I found smears of paint all around and the carpet crusted with paint that had dried. My cat had rubbed up against the walls and tracked it around. FML
Today, I was quite happily glossing my new bathroom door, when my useless, alcoholic, housemate came rolling in, knocked the paint over, stood in it, and without realising, walked it all the way down the stairs. I had just had a brand new carpet fitted. FML
Today, being the clean freak that I am, I bought an expensive pair of 'mop socks'. As I walked upstairs to show everyone, I slipped on the corner of the bottom step and landed on my face, breaking my toe in the process. FML
Today, I decided to be productive and clean behind my couch. I found dust, old receipts, and one sock I thought was stolen by the universe. When I stood up proudly, I smashed my head on the shelf above. I knocked down three picture frames. All shattered. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
tencentsakiss 19
I stayed in a hotel last week, and literally everything I touched broke. This sounds like something I would do
wafflemaster 1
i blame u for the lipstick part
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (218)
DetectiveSmith 14
Great timing!...I did something similar. my landlord was coming round for a six month inspection, everything was fine and clean until 2mins before he came i spilt my drink all over the living room carpet!
penguinpinz 8
be more careful? but yeah. shit happens