Today, we found a tarantula type spider in our shed so big it could only have been someone’s escaped pet. This thing was so big, even my husband said, "NOPE!" In the end, we used our neighbour's crossbow to kill, it because I think it grew that big by eating dogs and small horses. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw a huge wolf spider in my room. It ran off and hid before I could kill it, but after two hours looking for it then giving up, I finally found it, with my foot, as I put on my shoes. FML
Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my bathtub, so instead of killing it, i decided to bring my dog inside the bathroom to kill the spider for me. Turns out that the spider was a black widow, and my dog was bit. The dog killed the spider. The spider killed my dog. FML
Today, my girlfriend bought me a pet tarantula. I now have one of my biggest fears crawling around my house. FML
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
Today, I asked my husband to deal with the very large spider in our kitchen. Rather than a newspaper or a slipper, he went after it with an aerosol can and a lighter. The spider is now dead, but so are the wall and cupboards in my kitchen. FML
Today, I tried to have a relaxing soak in the tub. The giant wolf spider that was already in the tub didn't like me trying to set it free outside. It ran right across my feet and back into my house when I dumped it out of a cup outside. I screamed like a little girl. FML
Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML
Today, I reached into my wardrobe to get ready for the day, when something hairy tickled my hand. Imagine my shock seeing a fully-grown wolf spider staring me down from a coat hanger. I grabbed the can of bug spray and let him have it. Half the can later, I now need to re-wash my entire closet. Damn arachnophobia. FML
Today, the spiders in my house are so big that they catch wasps in their webs. FML
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Top comments
maskedangel 11
Dick move man. I have tarantulas and I would cry if one escaped and got murder by someone
Anderling 33
I hate spiders and even I think murdering someone’s beloved pet was a dick move. You really couldn’t google a rescue and go “we found someone’s escaped pet please help”?
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Comments (6)
Anderling 33
I hate spiders and even I think murdering someone’s beloved pet was a dick move. You really couldn’t google a rescue and go “we found someone’s escaped pet please help”?
maskedangel 11
Dick move man. I have tarantulas and I would cry if one escaped and got murder by someone
RichardPencil 32
Yikes, you have a neighbor with a crossbow? You'd better not piss them off, unless you have a trebuchet, of course.
idragosani 17
Was it hurting anybody? You know tarantulas aren't really dangerous to humans? Would you have killed it if were someone's pet cat?
mccuish 25
It depends on what type of tarantula is was since some won’t attack humans. You’d be fine if it was an Arizona Blonde
Taurus_ChicKa 37
You determined that it was someone's escaped pet, and you killed it? You guys are monsters. I'm not a fan of spiders, and can't fathom why someone would want one as a pet, but still. Karma is going to get you good.