Today, I helped an old man with his groceries, because he was struggling and he had a cane. After, I was nice enough to drive him home. He went to thank me by giving me a kiss on the cheek. Then he stuck his tongue out, and tried to French kiss me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I helped an old man who fell over. Turns out he was drunk and had pissed himself. He decided to thank me with a hug. FML
Today, at the supermarket, an old lady asked for directions to the produce aisle. Having read way too many stories lately on this very site about awful elderly folks, I was wary, but helped her out. She gave me an awkward hug in thanks, lifting my wallet in the process, as I later found out. FML
Today, I was walking home when an old guy came up to me asking for directions. After I pointed him in the right direction, he held my hand, stroked my face then pushed me into a bush. FML
Today, at work at a grocery store an old couple came through my checkout lane. As I was putting their bagged groceries in the cart, the old man started feeling me up. FML
Today, I ended up talking to a homeless man and bought him a meal. In return, he hugged me and groped my ass. FML
Today, an old man wanted to give me a tip for bagging his groceries. He slipped some money as deep into my pocket as he could, stroking my thigh for a few long seconds in the process, then he gave me a creepy smile and winked before walking away. FML
Today, I helped an elderly lady put a bookshelf in her car. She then thanked me by hitting me with her car as she drove out of the parking lot. FML
Today, I saw an old man who needed help crossing the street. I went over to him and helped him across the street. When he thanked me, I said, "No problem, sir." They responded by hitting me in the happy sacks and screaming that they were a woman. FML
Today, the cute coworker who's been flirting with me drove me home. While I was contemplating asking him to kiss me, he politely told me to, "Please get out, I promised my girlfriend I'd pick her up." FML
Today, when we were at wrestling practice, we had to bend over to stretch. When I bent down, I noticed a car on the street stopped. There was a sixty year old man watching us. He then licked his lips and drove away. FML
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Top comments
OrangeCrayon 0
Kinky.
pleasedonttellme 0
Omg..like half of the FML's this week are about perverted old men You wonder if it's the same guy ^.^
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Comments (72)
Qup 0
that's men for you. they think with their dicks.
Emperor_Jim 0
That's women for you, they make broad, offensive generalizations about half the planet's population because they've been dumped too many times. Bitches, amirite?
Ninjaface 0
If you were smart you would have taken him up on his offer. Like they say, with age comes wisdom, and by "wisdom" I mean memorization of the Kama Sutra. And of course there would have been money in it for you when he "accidentally" sustained fatal head trauma during a tricky position.
woopita 0
aww yee tryna get fresh! xD
blastvortex 4
Awwww.... Isn't that cute? ^_^ You're so nice to your elders. (No good deed goes unpunished, huh....)
COBRAMORPH 0
wow, you are such a bitch. You know, he probly fought for you in WW1 &/or 2. The least you could do was kiss him. Honestly, I say you shoulda put his cane inside your body.
roymustanglover 0
Ew! Poor you! What'd you do when he tried to French kiss you? I would have kicked him in the nuts! :P
awesome1145 0
ewwwwwwwwwww!
kolk777 10
D-I-N-O-S-A-U-R a DINOSAUR and O-L-D M-A-N you are an OLD MAN hittin' on me WHAT?!
morgs1213 4
I bet he enjoyed that
gchwood 2
Did you ever think that he may have a dystonic tongue?