Today, I got up early in the morning to get a snack, only to walk in on my "vegan" housemate eating a turkey sandwich. This bastard harasses me every other day about my meat-eating, but all he could do after he noticed me was drop the sandwich and claim he'd been sleepwalking. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was lectured by a self-professed vegan over my "barbaric" eating habits, in between her scarfing down a tuna fish sandwich. FML
Today, my coworker brings in meat for lunch every single day and eats it at his desk. I'm a vegan and the smell makes me feel sick for hours. The management won't reprimand him or move either of us. FML
Today, my roommate decided to go vegan and threw all of MY meats, cheeses, chocolates and even beans for some reason in the trash, because he "doesn't need that kind of toxic waste" in his life. FML
Today, my roommate raged at me for "lying" about being a vegetarian, because she saw chicken stored in my side of the fridge. That chicken isn't for me, it's an ingredient in the homemade food I make for my dogs. Apparently, serving my dogs real meat instead of forcing them into vegetarianism makes me a hypocrite. FML
Today, during lunch, my coworker offered me her food, claiming she was full. I was still quite hungry, so I accepted it. Halfway through eating the sandwiches, my boss walked in and started interrogating people over who took his lunch. I quickly realized I was the one eating it. FML
Today, to keep me from "getting fatter", my roommate raided the kitchen. She ate everything from cookies and ice cream to deli meat. The only thing left in the house are vegetables. FML
Today, I was outside, eating a sandwich, when I noticed a homeless man was standing in front of me. Upon making eye contact, he grabbed the rest of my sandwich and ran off. FML
Today, after weeks of me "forgetting" to buy meat and animal products, my husband asked to talk. I was hoping he was getting the hints that I wanted us to go vegan. He wanted me to get checked for early-onset dementia. FML
Today, I realized I've become a stereotypical militant vegan when I told a friend that we should start raising Lone Star ticks and dropping them around town so we could spread meat allergies and force people to eat vegan. FML
Today, my boss was hosting some client representatives for a meeting and had offered to buy everyone lunch. The "healthy" place he's ordering from made me sick last time, so I'd politely opted out. At lunch, the reps glared at me in the meeting room as I ate my homemade chili con carne. Turns out they're all vegans. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
asapp78 16
Nothing to see here folks! Nothing to see...
Le_Doctor 10
Never got how people are vegan... I mean you're getting rid of bacon!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (103)
8born8 18
Sounds like your housemate needs a turkey slap.
tharpe_09 8
Cute and cuddly boys, cute and cuddly
Mpadam12 5
Bacon ****. Haha.
jinshenlu 8
He's been eating meat everyday. While you been threaten for eating. Go get him man. That's wrong.
LCPLStewie 23
Sleep walk this bitch! (throws cold frozen turkey at face)
Baconhiro 1
How is this even a FML? Now you have all the ammo you need to get back at this douche. Start calling him "The Turkey-Vegan" or make "gobble gobble" noises whenever he starts getting preachy. Owned. F his life from now on...
CougeeSwagg 19
Busted that self-righteous" vegan" a-hole!
Simple_SAM 2
That is his way of trying to get you to leave...He looks for reasons to pick at you.Take the hint.:(It is not your fault he is an ass.
mrcook9 5
See, there's this thing called vegan turkey. Vegan meat. Made from other stuff, like tofu or soy. Your friend is a moron.
stolenballoon 5
VEGAN POLICE! In the words of Todd Ingram from Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (modified for the situation): "Turkey isn't vegan?"
Shamandalie89 32
I love your username! :D