Today, I came home early, only to hear a mad scramble in the living room. I found my now ex-girlfriend and best friend in there, sweaty and in their underwear. The idiot actually had the balls to claim he was teaching her how to do push-ups. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home early from work. My boyfriend and I live together. I open the door and I found my best friend watching TV on the couch, wearing lingerie. The room smelled like sex. She acted irrational and defensive, and had the audacity to ask what I was doing here. Bitch, I live here. FML
Today, I found out that my best friend used the sexy dance moves she asked me to teach her to get into my ex-boyfriend’s pants. We dated for two years and broke up less than a week ago. FML
Today, I found my girlfriend in bed with her gym trainer. They said they were doing cardio. FML
Today, I came home from work to hear loud moans coming from the room that my husband and I share. I barged in and both he and this girl are scrambling around the room. He’s a music teacher and claimed he was giving her vocal lessons. That would make more sense had they both not been half naked. FML
Today, me and my girlfriend were getting at it, and then my parents came home. I heard them and we scrambled to get our clothes on. My dad came into the room and found me wearing her pants inside out with her thong around my legs. FML
Today, I accidentally walked in on my roommate while she was changing clothes. She insisted on telling her boyfriend what had happened, because, "It wouldn't feel right" if she didn't. Her boyfriend is a MMA fighter/bodybuilder and has major jealousy issues. I'm screwed. FML
Today, I went to work things out with my girlfriend, with whom I'd had a huge fight with. She told me the night before to come over at noon and that she would be awake. I unlocked the door to see that the place was a mess. She'd thrown a party and was still passed out naked next to her boss. FML
Today, I woke up at my crazy ex-girlfriend's house, naked and disoriented. You know, the kind of crazy like we-didn't-break-up-it-was-just-a-fight now-we-can-get-married crazy. She says everything's fine now and she's so glad we've "started our family." FML
Today, when I came home, my girlfriend was in sexy lingerie, and said it was a surprise for me. Sounds awesome, right? Too bad she was drenched in sweat and the room smelled like sex. I looked in the closet, only to get punched in the face by a naked guy. FML
Today, while heading to the bathroom, I saw my girlfriend putting some lingerie under my bed. I stupidly thought it was for some sexy time later. Well, later on, she dramatically "found" the lingerie and broke up with me. Almost everyone believes her story and thinks I'm a dirty cheater. FML
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Top comments
cyttex 13
What a douchebag and shitty friend
HairyPunisher 27
They had nowhere better to go than your apartment? Time for new friends, a new girlfriend, and new locks OP.
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Comments (145)
cyttex 13
What a douchebag and shitty friend
katieemerr 15
You're better off without both of them OP!
MidnaLink 35
You also forgot his **** of an ex-girlfriend.
abdiG 27
show your idiot best friend you got balls and kick his sorry ass ************. that would teach him a valuable lesson. sorry op. fyl.
temmera 16
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
#26: Why is OP's ex-best friend ex-girlfriend (if he had a girlfriend) a ****? What did she do besides get cheated on also?
OysterPearls 33
72, they were referring to OP's girlfriend. Not that of his disloyal friend.
Kevin_Kestel 24
Your definitely right. Op I'm sorry to hear it. If I were you I'd keep my head high and get rid of them both. Good luck :)
NinjaDitto623 14
Maybe he was teaching her push-ups...? Jk, FYL OP
ChaCerCam 14
why so many dislikes he's being more honest than half of all the comments.
theinformer 3
I find it funny that this comment was down-voted as apposed to the comment calling the guy a asshole,douche,and a dick are given thumbs up, just curious.
igive 29
A swift kick in the nads for him, the shins for her.
Kruiser 16
When you say 'the idiot actually had the balls' you're saying that because you kicked his balls so hard they aren't functioning anymore, right? People like that shouldn't reproduce
friedpwnadge 25
Guess OP has read FML enough to know we would just say to dump her anyways.
incoherentrmblr 22
Shins? I'm sorry, but she's getting kicked in the ****** too...
igive 29
Nah his foot might get stuck.
fortune789 17
More like his foot would get sucked into a plans of oblivion.
dudecall 18
No
HairyPunisher 27
They had nowhere better to go than your apartment? Time for new friends, a new girlfriend, and new locks OP.
iateapenguin 27
Maybe OP and his girlfriend were living together?
HairyPunisher 27
Maybe. I didn't think of that. He'd better make her move out if that's the case.
salvorican 24
Even so, ops ex was stupid to cheat in their own home.
TheElBurrrito 21
#3, I think the second part of your statement/question still stands.
doctorhook86 25
#43: You're not wrong, but it wouldn't be any more right if she'd cheated someplace else.
meepingoreos 6
Maybe the best friend is his roommate.
Meggston 17
I hope your best friend is an ex now too. ::(
BoltTheSuperdog 22
Is that like an alien or a spider emoticon you have at the end there?
Meggston 17
Alien. ^-^
Since1998 20
How did he think "we were doing pushups" was a valid excuse...
ohdode 9
I too teach my friends girlfriends push-ups in their underwear....
foxwasalamb 24
you can see the muscles much clearer without the barrier of clothing
mike7800 8
I know! aerobics would've been much better
annabelle92212 10
wow im sorry op I hope u kicked the "best friend" to the curb after you use him as a punching bag
saba_ajira 29
Its what I would have done
thatsabiggun 11
Well, I'm sorry to say, but you had a ***** for a girlfriend, and an idiot for a best friend.
wildsweetchild 19
at least OP got rid of both of them in one shot.
annabelle92212 10
wow im so sorry I hope u kicked ur best friend to the curb bleeding
Vitally 6
Now teach her how to pick up her belongings off the street, then teach him how to dodge a punch. The second one might take a few tries before he gets it right.
grogers311 20
Best comment ever!!!
NandaPanda 22
If you can dodge a wrench you can dodge a punch ;D
sharklover2017 11
What a piece of shit friend! I'm a girl, and even I know bros before hoes... And this girl is definitely a how for not having the balls to end it before ******* someone else...
teentee401 37
This isn't really "bros before hoes" since he didn't chose a "hoe" over a bro. It's more like "bros before being a dick and sleeping with your bro's girlfriend"
TiiBags 15
But #93, his 'bro' chose a hoe over their friendship, i.e the rule still applies, just a little differently; bros before their hoes.