Today, I decided to go buy myself a dildo to use on my lonely nights. Once at the adult store, I also grabbed a birthday card to make it seem the dildo wasn't for me. At the register, the cashier looked at me and said, "For God's sake, save yourself some money. I already know it's for you." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife and I decided to go to an adult store and buy some toys to spice up the bedroom a bit. She wanted to buy a double-edged dildo so "we can use it together". I'm a guy. FML
Today, I went to the store to pick up some feminine products. As I was paying, the male cashier looked at me sympathetically and asked if it was my girlfriend's time of the month. I'm a girl and was buying them for myself. FML
Today, I went out to buy a bottle of wine and some condoms. As the cashier scanned the condoms, she snickered and muttered, "Yeah right." She was right; I really was just desperate to look like I have a sex life. I got so upset that I left my items and walked out with tears in my eyes. FML
Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms. I couldn't find them anywhere, so I nervously asked a staff member for help. She scowled, pointed at the shelf directly behind me, and told me to, "Get a life. Or better pick-up lines." I'll never live down the snickers from the other customers. FML
Today, I went to the local pharmacy to buy some condoms. When I went to go purchase them, the elderly lady behind the counter took one look at me and said, "Honey, you're your own birth control." FML
Today, my hubby and I decided to spice up our sex life and went to an adult toy store. We know too many people in our town, so we drove to one that was 30 minutes away. We decided on our items, and went to the check out. Who would have guessed my next door neighbor works there as a cashier? FML
Today, while I was working at a children's toy store, a woman walked in, looked around a bit, then asked if we sold dildos. FML
Today, I was buying condoms for my girlfriend and myself. While at the checkout counter, my guy friend sees me, runs to me, puts his arm around me, kisses me on the cheek, then yells "Thank you baby!" There were about twenty people behind me, they all gave me dirty looks. FML
Today, I was at the store buying some feminine products. At the cash register, the clerk said to me "Dude, you know those are for girls right?" I am a 30 year old woman. FML
Today, a customer walked up to me with a dog toy and said, "I knew one-stop shopping was a thing, but I didn't know you guys carried dildos." FML
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Top comments
ladybuglet 22
Instead of buying a card, use the money on extra batteries.
DocBastard 40
Why do people bother trying to lie like this? You think you're the first girl to buy a *****? It's like the guy who buy a Penthouse and condoms. "No, the Penthouse is for my, uh, girlfriend. She likes the articles."
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Comments (133)
fakedsincerity 32
Don't be ashamed of the self loving!
LyraAlluse 25
Well there is always ordering online I suppose.
artisticninja713 13
Your problem was you assumed they'd care. You'd have done better to just buy the thing and not try to hide it.
inolongercare 19
Who cares? Everyone does it
shaydup 4
they have birthday cards at sex shops?
enopola 5
Where the hell do you buy a ***** and a birthday card anyway? Does Walmart have a new section I'm unaware of?
LyraAlluse 25
Actually there are some Wal-Marts that really do carry everything if you catch my meaning.
ImmaBabyGoat 13
That is why you buy online. You can buy anything on Amazon at a discounted price.
isthislogintaken 7
OP, You think that's awkward - (i'm a guy) I once bought one for my girlfriend (as a joke gift, but still really a gift) and I was with a gay friend of mine. After I payed for it the clerk said "you two have fun tonight". I didn't bother explaining but me and my buddy got a good laugh out of it...
MotherOfFack 3
Haha. I adore his straight forwardness!
KayAnn19 10
If your too embarrassed to buy one, order one online. Easy as that.