Today, I decided to go buy myself a dildo to use on my lonely nights. Once at the adult store, I also grabbed a birthday card to make it seem the dildo wasn't for me. At the register, the cashier looked at me and said, "For God's sake, save yourself some money. I already know it's for you." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife and I decided to go to an adult store and buy some toys to spice up the bedroom a bit. She wanted to buy a double-edged dildo so "we can use it together". I'm a guy. FML
Today, I went to the store to pick up some feminine products. As I was paying, the male cashier looked at me sympathetically and asked if it was my girlfriend's time of the month. I'm a girl and was buying them for myself. FML
Today, I went out to buy a bottle of wine and some condoms. As the cashier scanned the condoms, she snickered and muttered, "Yeah right." She was right; I really was just desperate to look like I have a sex life. I got so upset that I left my items and walked out with tears in my eyes. FML
Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms. I couldn't find them anywhere, so I nervously asked a staff member for help. She scowled, pointed at the shelf directly behind me, and told me to, "Get a life. Or better pick-up lines." I'll never live down the snickers from the other customers. FML
Today, I went to the local pharmacy to buy some condoms. When I went to go purchase them, the elderly lady behind the counter took one look at me and said, "Honey, you're your own birth control." FML
Today, my hubby and I decided to spice up our sex life and went to an adult toy store. We know too many people in our town, so we drove to one that was 30 minutes away. We decided on our items, and went to the check out. Who would have guessed my next door neighbor works there as a cashier? FML
Today, while I was working at a children's toy store, a woman walked in, looked around a bit, then asked if we sold dildos. FML
Today, I was buying condoms for my girlfriend and myself. While at the checkout counter, my guy friend sees me, runs to me, puts his arm around me, kisses me on the cheek, then yells "Thank you baby!" There were about twenty people behind me, they all gave me dirty looks. FML
Today, I was at the store buying some feminine products. At the cash register, the clerk said to me "Dude, you know those are for girls right?" I am a 30 year old woman. FML
Today, a customer walked up to me with a dog toy and said, "I knew one-stop shopping was a thing, but I didn't know you guys carried dildos." FML
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Top comments
ladybuglet 22
Instead of buying a card, use the money on extra batteries.
DocBastard 40
Why do people bother trying to lie like this? You think you're the first girl to buy a *****? It's like the guy who buy a Penthouse and condoms. "No, the Penthouse is for my, uh, girlfriend. She likes the articles."
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Comments (133)
Druu 53
I bet the cashier's comment rubbed you the wrong way!
cottoncandymango 17
That's one awesome cashier.
KBurns207 17
Hahaha I'm sorry but that's still kinda funny. I would laugh at her calling me out
ravenh1979 13
Lol..
Bigger_than_Jesu 5
You shouldn't have spent two hours picking your ***** out...
SamanthaNGoree 10
Who cares if you use a *****. Any woman who isn't getting amazing sex he never she wants it, probably has one.
Shenannigoats 16
...why is this getting thumbed down? She's right.
SamanthaNGoree 10
Whenever*
revolution4ever 14
They were just looking out for you op! Honestly, they see people buy stuff for themselves everyday. There's no reason for you to be embarrassed.
Pleonasm 36
Just say you're building an elaborate birthday cake. The guys get hookers in theirs, so uh, why can't girls get big surprises too? Maybe blow some special candles, maybe a giant pop-out one, maybe even a cake made only of ******: who knows! But it's someone's special day, right?
graceinsheepwear 34
"blow some special candles"? Those ARE special! Great Freudian typo 23!
Iceman225 11
yeah... blow....
NavalAvaiations1 5
internet shopping OP... saves the embarrassment.
Epikouros 32
Yes, but be careful what size you buy when it's your first ***** :)
perdix 31
Sex-shop workers are trained professionals -- they know the stank of desperation ain't coming off the merchandise;)
graceinsheepwear 34
uh, I don't think they are trained professionals. more like people willing to work till 2 am amongst lube and anal beads.
perdix 31
#48, just being facetious. The last time I went to the sex shop, I would have bet that the guy working there was a virgin! A virgin who didn't mind being surrounded by lube, anal beads and multi-headed ******.
Cazz91 21
There are sex shops open until 2am? Hot damn, I better visit the town or city that has those hours because ours is only open until 8pm all through out the week... Except Valentines day, they are open until 10pm.
perdix 31
#90, you need to get down to South Florida. Our sex shops are all open 24 hours a day. The need for lube knows no schedule!
KLeePrice 11
I couldn't imagine living in a city where sex shops close at 8pm! Could be wrong but it sounds like you live in Miami perdix.
redbandit9877 12
Own it op, there is nothing wrong with the safest kind of sex there is!