Today, I convinced my best friend to talk to the guy I like at work to find out if he was interested in me. She came back ten minutes later, and told me he said he'd never be able to date me. Apparently, kissing me "would be like making out with Mother Teresa's corpse." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I wanted to ask out this cute girl I used to work with. Before I could, she said she likes my only friend there, and asked if could I set them up. Trying to be nice guy and good friend, I did. Then she made her complete lack of interest in me obvious. But hey, at least the gay guy she hung out with thought I was cute. FML
Today, after many days of glances, smiles, and small talk, I tried to kiss a man from my gym in the parking lot. He dodged and asked why. I said I thought it was what he wanted, given his apparent interest. He said that he's only like that because he does missionary work, and wanted to become a friend. I'm a man. FML
Today, I didn't have the courage to tell the guy who likes me that I only thought of him as a friend, so I asked my best friend to do it for me. It turns out that her way of doing this is telling him to "Fuck off" and then punching him in the face. FML
Today, a guy who I was low-key crushing on asked me out. I excitedly told my best friend, as I do when I have big news. She informed me that the same guy asked her out 15 minutes ago. He'd originally been into her and only came to me because she rejected him. FML
Today, I confessed my feelings to my best friend, how I'm deeply in love with him. The consequence wasn't good, as he told me we should never talk to each other again. FML
Today, I finally got the courage to tell my best friend who I'm crushing hard on that I like her. She gave me a look of revulsion and asked if I was joking. FML
Today, after I finally got up the courage to talk to the girl I'd been crushing on for years, we've got super close over a few weeks. Her best friend, who I'm kinda friends with, texted me, confessing that she likes me. Now the first girl won't talk to me for the sake of her best friend, who I'm not interested in. FML
Today, I had lunch with an old friend I've had a crush on for years. We're both single, so I figured it to be kind of like a date. Until he started talking about how he told his brother last night that we would never be a thing. FML
Today, my best friend who I have been secretly in love with forever, was ranting about her ex-girlfriend. Then she said : "If only you were gay, we'd be perfect for each other." I took the chance to tell her I was. She responded : "Well, I'm still not attracted to you though." FML
Today, I was making out with a girl I've liked for a long time. At one point she stopped kissing me and said, "You kiss like my brother". I sat there dumbstruck as she went back to kissing me. FML
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Top comments
FMLandurstoo 9
I get that all of the time
krad204 21
That's harsh...
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Comments (127)
NEEPLES 7
That's hot.
StJimmy666FML 4
now that's just low and hes obviously not worth it.
brina53 4
Ouch! maybe she cudda left out a few details... nice friend
Ozark778 5
someone said that exact same thing in the comments of the fml above this one lol
yoshiyakiryu 20
At least you know that he's not that nice now. Although you really should have asked him if he's interested in you, as awkward as that may seem.
leadman1989 16
It means you're an evil bitch! Sorry I meant awww.
3vilCandy 2
get him drunk maybe? men simply cant say mo
crispy174 7
that's offensive...
KiddNYC1O 22
That's just wrong...
emodude44 0
Looks like you need a necrophilliac gerontophilliac!