Today, over the course of three hours, I was burned by our toaster oven, hit in the head by a fridge door, hit my toes on a chair, clipped my hip on a table edge, and had both the washer and dryer lids slam on the same hand. I'm not sure what hurts more, my body or the shame. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my kitchen is trying to kill me. So far, I've hit my head three times on cupboards that opened themselves, cut open my hand on the microwave door when it slammed shut, and burned my cheek with the "heat-proof" oven mitt when I pushed the hair off my face. FML
Today, I was baking cookies. When I took the tray out of the oven, I closed the door, but it bounced back open and hit me in the back of the knees. That caused me to sit down on the hot oven door. I was only wearing my short bathrobe and no underwear. I really burned my ass and, um… stuff. FML
Today, in an attempt to be frugal, I tried to repair my own sometimes-faulty toaster. Turns out I unplugged the wrong kitchen appliance, which I only discovered by electrocuting myself while pulling it apart. Now it's definitely broken, will need replacing, and I have a burn. FML
Today, I got burned, all because the toaster scared me while I was holding a pot of boiling water. FML
Today, while grabbing a husk of corn out of the boiling hot pot, I splashed hot water on my neck, dropped the corn on my injured toe, and cut myself on the counters, all while my family laughed at my pain. FML
Today, the estranged crumbs in my toaster caught light while I was making breakfast. The toast, toaster, and my wooden bench are now little more than collateral damage. FML
Today, I don't know which is worse: my brother cramming all his sauce bottles into a fridge door shelf that exploded onto the floor when I opened the fridge, or my mother being mad at me because I was upset about slicing open my finger while cleaning up the broken glass and my hand now burns. FML
Today, I got into a fight with the dryer over a plastic toy car. My hand is bleeding and numb, three of my nails are broken and I have a bruise on my chin. The plastic car is still stuck in the now broken dryer. FML
Today, at work, I managed to hit myself in the face with a large sheet pan. The force made me back into a shelf, which knocked a box off the top, which hit me in the head and knocked me out-cold. I now have a fat lip, a sore head, and bruises all over from the fall. FML
Today, I accidentally slammed my leg against the coffee table. It was only after I went to the bathroom a few minutes later that I realized there's now a massive gash on my upper leg. I also got in trouble for yelling, "SON OF A BITCH!" as soon as the impact occurred. FML
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Top comments
cat4651 15
Go back to bed for the rest of the day, it is clearly not your day today!
JMichael 26
You're just not having a very good day are you? You have my sympathy
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Comments (86)
xxlizsandraxx 7
been there done that, it will be fine as long as no one was around to see it.
tanziir1 14
Did u piss of a fling leprechaun or wht
OrganicSistah 17
Sounds like you need to lie down.
hun3y206 23
Just go back to bed.
samlovesham1234 9
As Low-Light says, "Some nights it just don't pay to get outta bed".
TheKingOfHearts 19
You were obviously cursed! XD
ontheFLY4 25
Get out while you still can! Sounds like your house has it in for you...
Shade1982 21
Maybe not the house, but the appliances sure seem to be in cahoots.
Kramer1998 20
Just quit the day, cancel everything, cause if you drive you'll crash, go tobed you've earned it
Archer0113 11
Omg that's my life everyday! Sadly... I'm accident prone ?
ShadJV 0
Dang this FML is a trainwreck.