Today, I was on a date, and I tried breaking the ice by telling him my best joke. He laughed hysterically for a good 10 seconds, started beating the table with his fist, then suddenly went deadpan and said, "No, seriously, you're a moron. Screw this date." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was on a first date and wanted to tell my date a joke. I started laughing halfway through telling it because I found it hilarious. She didn’t laugh. Turns out, I completely forgot the punchline and just sat there cackling like a lunatic. Now I’m getting ghosted. FML
Today, I was on a first date and tried to crack a joke by saying, “Don’t worry, I’m not a serial killer.” My date replied, completely serious, “That’s exactly what a serial killer would say.” The rest of the date was eaten in awkward silence and vague small talk. I'm not going back into the dating pool ever again. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. Everything was going great until I laughed so hard at one of his jokes that I snorted, choked on my drink, and accidentally slapped his face while trying to cover my mouth. We didn't order dessert. FML
Today, I went on a date for the first time in months. Over dessert, my date told a joke, and I tittered vigorously, causing me to choke and throw up all over him. FML
Today, I was on a first date and tried to playfully flick a fry at him. It missed, hit a waiter in the face, and he dropped an entire tray of drinks onto an elderly couple. My date laughed, then excused himself to the bathroom… and never came back. FML
Today, I went on a first date and laughed so hard at a joke that I snorted. I tried to play it cool, laughed harder, snorted again, and then knocked over my drink. The waiter brought napkins and said, “Happens all the time.” To me, yes, it does. FML
Today, I went on a first date. It started out OK, but halfway through he began "debating" me, talking just like Ben Shapiro. I thought he was joking, or at least satirising the worst way you could talk during a date. I was wrong; he was serious. I'm still not sure what set him off, but I couldn't get a word in edgeways in after that. FML
Today, I went to the movies with this guy I'd started dating. During the movie, I thought it would be cool and funny to make sarcastic comments. When he dropped me off home, he told me that it was the worst date ever and to not talk to him again for being "annoying and obnoxious." FML
Today, while on a blind date, I told her in no uncertain terms that if I got married, my wife would need to be a housewife. She burst out laughing and asked, "Dude, do you even HAVE a house?" and walked out laughing when I said I didn't. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy I've had a crush on for ages. Midway through the meal, he sighed and said, "I'll be honest, this is a horrible date. You got zero personality and I'm too lazy to do a window escape, so..." He then got up and walked out. FML
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Top comments
Hildy93 21
Can you do a follow up and tell us the joke??
aliezzo 19
What an asshole. Screw him he doesn't deserve you op.
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Comments (120)
WOTAN1488 24
This is hysterical
tiredofwaiting 25
What a ******** at least you found out early then later on.
Etweens96 25
What a jerk! Don't let guys like that do that to you, hope the dark brotherhood lay a contract on him lol but cool nickname, I love skyrim!
swanheart 35
Sorry #74 I misread it as sounding like they meant fake- laugh at op's terrible jokes because aren't they swell for trying and not they way they meant it. Although I will say I don't see what's so wrong about not laughing at someone's jokes if they're not funny. It's not going to crush their self esteem. Note I'm not talking about what ops date did. That was rude but the act of not laughing in itself isn't terrible. Everyone has different senses of humour and even comedians tell terrible jokes from time to time, ops date should have been more patient rather than cutting the date short so quickly!
zefronke8 25
Seriously, great username. MY LIFE FOR THE BROTHERHOOD!!!
mattrd_fml 31
I want to hear the joke...
TigrexTeeth 16
Hail Sithis Sister!
MidnightMusic53 37
Better contact the Night Mother then.
zfigs 0
Haha nice one!
savemeSheehan 8
im sorry what an ass
JKPwnage 27
FYL, OP. A shitty joke is nothing to leave a date about.