Today, I was on a date, and I tried breaking the ice by telling him my best joke. He laughed hysterically for a good 10 seconds, started beating the table with his fist, then suddenly went deadpan and said, "No, seriously, you're a moron. Screw this date." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was on a first date and wanted to tell my date a joke. I started laughing halfway through telling it because I found it hilarious. She didn’t laugh. Turns out, I completely forgot the punchline and just sat there cackling like a lunatic. Now I’m getting ghosted. FML
Today, I was on a first date and tried to crack a joke by saying, “Don’t worry, I’m not a serial killer.” My date replied, completely serious, “That’s exactly what a serial killer would say.” The rest of the date was eaten in awkward silence and vague small talk. I'm not going back into the dating pool ever again. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. Everything was going great until I laughed so hard at one of his jokes that I snorted, choked on my drink, and accidentally slapped his face while trying to cover my mouth. We didn't order dessert. FML
Today, I went on a date for the first time in months. Over dessert, my date told a joke, and I tittered vigorously, causing me to choke and throw up all over him. FML
Today, I was on a first date and tried to playfully flick a fry at him. It missed, hit a waiter in the face, and he dropped an entire tray of drinks onto an elderly couple. My date laughed, then excused himself to the bathroom… and never came back. FML
Today, I went on a first date and laughed so hard at a joke that I snorted. I tried to play it cool, laughed harder, snorted again, and then knocked over my drink. The waiter brought napkins and said, “Happens all the time.” To me, yes, it does. FML
Today, I went on a first date. It started out OK, but halfway through he began "debating" me, talking just like Ben Shapiro. I thought he was joking, or at least satirising the worst way you could talk during a date. I was wrong; he was serious. I'm still not sure what set him off, but I couldn't get a word in edgeways in after that. FML
Today, I went to the movies with this guy I'd started dating. During the movie, I thought it would be cool and funny to make sarcastic comments. When he dropped me off home, he told me that it was the worst date ever and to not talk to him again for being "annoying and obnoxious." FML
Today, while on a blind date, I told her in no uncertain terms that if I got married, my wife would need to be a housewife. She burst out laughing and asked, "Dude, do you even HAVE a house?" and walked out laughing when I said I didn't. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy I've had a crush on for ages. Midway through the meal, he sighed and said, "I'll be honest, this is a horrible date. You got zero personality and I'm too lazy to do a window escape, so..." He then got up and walked out. FML
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Top comments
Hildy93 21
Can you do a follow up and tell us the joke??
aliezzo 19
What an asshole. Screw him he doesn't deserve you op.
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Comments (120)
watermelon_bae 15
What a jerk! You can do better than him! If he's gonna be an ass then, find someone better! :)
Oppression_fml 19
For the sins of the unworthy must be baptized with blood and fear.
mustangbravo 27
**** that guy. Good for you for trying! Keep looking for the right guy, it will pay off.
boxergirl1054 16
He doesn't deserve your sense of humor anyway:) good luck next time
hoosiergirl94 31
That would be SO awkward
worldclassrager 41
I would like to know his response to a really good joke
Tsukiyomi 16
Erm...
be82tw 17
Way to pick 'em classy, OP. Seriously, if a guy cannot show basic consideration for your feelings, then you probably shouldn't waste time dating him anyways. Good luck.
TCRII 30
OK. Next time try this one: What's blue and fuzzy? Blue Fuzz. Or this one: What's brown and sticky? A Stick.... Maybe you should save the jokes for the second or third date.
CaroAurelia 12
That's so rude. But you dodged a bullet. You need a guy who will not only appreciate your jokes but teach you new, much cornier ones. (I come from a family where the cornier the joke is, the better. At least someone appreciates jokes.)