Today, I was on a date, and I tried breaking the ice by telling him my best joke. He laughed hysterically for a good 10 seconds, started beating the table with his fist, then suddenly went deadpan and said, "No, seriously, you're a moron. Screw this date." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was on a first date and wanted to tell my date a joke. I started laughing halfway through telling it because I found it hilarious. She didn’t laugh. Turns out, I completely forgot the punchline and just sat there cackling like a lunatic. Now I’m getting ghosted. FML
Today, I was on a first date and tried to crack a joke by saying, “Don’t worry, I’m not a serial killer.” My date replied, completely serious, “That’s exactly what a serial killer would say.” The rest of the date was eaten in awkward silence and vague small talk. I'm not going back into the dating pool ever again. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. Everything was going great until I laughed so hard at one of his jokes that I snorted, choked on my drink, and accidentally slapped his face while trying to cover my mouth. We didn't order dessert. FML
Today, I went on a date for the first time in months. Over dessert, my date told a joke, and I tittered vigorously, causing me to choke and throw up all over him. FML
Today, I was on a first date and tried to playfully flick a fry at him. It missed, hit a waiter in the face, and he dropped an entire tray of drinks onto an elderly couple. My date laughed, then excused himself to the bathroom… and never came back. FML
Today, I went on a first date and laughed so hard at a joke that I snorted. I tried to play it cool, laughed harder, snorted again, and then knocked over my drink. The waiter brought napkins and said, “Happens all the time.” To me, yes, it does. FML
Today, I went on a first date. It started out OK, but halfway through he began "debating" me, talking just like Ben Shapiro. I thought he was joking, or at least satirising the worst way you could talk during a date. I was wrong; he was serious. I'm still not sure what set him off, but I couldn't get a word in edgeways in after that. FML
Today, I went to the movies with this guy I'd started dating. During the movie, I thought it would be cool and funny to make sarcastic comments. When he dropped me off home, he told me that it was the worst date ever and to not talk to him again for being "annoying and obnoxious." FML
Today, while on a blind date, I told her in no uncertain terms that if I got married, my wife would need to be a housewife. She burst out laughing and asked, "Dude, do you even HAVE a house?" and walked out laughing when I said I didn't. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy I've had a crush on for ages. Midway through the meal, he sighed and said, "I'll be honest, this is a horrible date. You got zero personality and I'm too lazy to do a window escape, so..." He then got up and walked out. FML
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Top comments
Hildy93 21
Can you do a follow up and tell us the joke??
aliezzo 19
What an asshole. Screw him he doesn't deserve you op.
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Comments (120)
Hildy93 21
Can you do a follow up and tell us the joke??
kaitieloo 22
S'okay, OP. You appear to be part of the Dark Brotherhood... You either have the means to disprove of him, or at the least can perform the Black Sacrament. ;) (Skyrim reference for those who don't understand my comment; this is in reference to OPs name)
kaitieloo 22
*dispose. Damn it. :(
tygerarmy 35
"Sweet Mother, sweet Mother, send your child unto me, for the sins of the unworthy must be baptized in blood and fear."
MonaLisaIdk 21
HAIL SITHIS. BLESS YOU, OP. The Dark Brotherhood is the one of the best side story lines in Skyrim.
a1_z9 10
I killed them all instead and missed out because I wanted to be a good person. Skyrim problems. :(
Lalala579121 28
44 - Don't the good people always avoid killing at all costs?
a1_z9 10
Well yes, but my standards of goodness were sufficiently lowered to justify killing people who attacked me first, because frankly whacking things to death with a giant axe/hammer is too fun to give up completely.
preggoeggo68 10
Next time just say "oh thank god it worked. Bye." And make it look like you were trying to get rid of him. Then his bitchtardiness will only make him look stupid and unwanted. Jerks only say stuff like that to give themselves the upper hand, this way you take them down a notch and make them think twice before being so cruel to someone else again. And you should be grateful you found out that character flaw right away anyway ;)
preggoeggo68 10
Or maybe he's just a jerk because he's insecure about his tiny penis ?
gracehi 33
Hopefully, there won't be a next time.
vorspiel 17
What a wanker. Thank god he showed what an idiot he is straight off the bat; now you can move on and find someone who appreciates you!
Lalala579121 28
Literally a wanker. Because that's all he'll ever get.
Cads1 24
Why is he an idiot? It may have been a terrible joke!
cjfred 13
It doesn't matter how terrible the joke was, #20. The right thing to do is to be civil, finish the date politely, and graciously decline any invitation to go out again.
chocolatelover96 14
Even if it was, that's no excuse to be a rude asshole about it! He could have just politely said the chemistry wasn't there and left without insulting her!
Lalala579121 28
So you'd end the date just from one joke? Even without knowing how the person actually is? What if they purposely say a bad joke too see if their date is an asshole?
Zebediabolical 45
Depends on the joke, honestly. Racist? Religious? Holocaust? Rape? Yep. I'd give serious consideration to ending the date.
Caelophile 8
"Hail Sithis?" He was wrong. You're an awesome date.
cartedor 18
what's the joke? I want to.laugh :-)
LadyLuck93 20
Who cares about this dude, screw him. Onto the next.
Geckosrock99 33
Wow, what a dick. With an attitude like that, he's sure to stay single for a while. Forget him, OP, go find someone who actually cares enough to get to know you.