Today, I went to retrieve my sneakers that my wife made me leave outside the door of our hotel room. Somebody had shat in one of them. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got home from a holiday to find out that my flatmate had thrown a party. Everything seemed fine at first, then I noticed that someone had taken a dump in my running shoes that were in my bedroom closet. FML
Today, at work, I went to fold a pair of pants that was left in a changing room to find out that someone had taken a dump in them. FML
Today, I came home to find that my dog had taken a dump on my bed. I quickly put on my house shoes to avoid possibly stepping on any other of his turds. I felt something squish all over my right foot. He'd also taken a dump in my house shoe. FML
Today, I was house-sitting for some friends of my grandparents while they are out of town. While I was in the shower, the dog decided to take my dirty underwear and run. There is now a pair of lacy, black underwear hidden somewhere this giant house, and they return tomorrow. FML
Today, at my hotel, I spent over an hour dumpster diving trying to locate a pair of shorts for a spoiled brat that one of the cleaning staff accidentally threw away. When I finally found and returned them to the family, the father insisted they weren't the right ones. Spent all day smelling of trash. FML
Today, after finally breaking up with my controlling girlfriend, she took a shit in my socks. FML
Today, I was pet sitting for a friend. As soon as I walked in the door, I stepped in dog poop. I took off my shoes to clean them, then stepped in cat pee in my socks. FML
Today, I cleaned up my dog's crap after my wife asked me. Five minutes later she yelled at me for being lazy as she slammed the door leaving for work. My dog had shat in the exact same spot, apparently to make me look stupid. FML
Today, I cleaned the two staircases at the hotel where I work. Five minutes later, someone complained they were dirty. Someone had dropped soda and got mud all over them. FML
Today, I went to the dry-cleaner's and went to get my bag of laundry from my trunk, but I ended up dropping the bag. My dirty underwear blew around the parking lot. I had to chase it all down as a bunch of people looked on. FML
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Top comments
caitoLo 0
someBODY or someTHING?
knd_34 0
Nice use of the word "shat". People get that wrong all the time.
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Comments (138)
ladywaldo 0
Did your wife put her shoes outside the door too, what a bitch
Etoile_fml 0
DANE COOK. This sounds a lot like one of his jokes about coats. You ripped it off, didn't you. Tcheh.
yaintime21 0
shat?
kelseysking 26
It's the past form of shit.
bob1233 0
shat?....you mean shit? wtf dude.
JohnyJackhammer 0
That sucks haha. Where did you stay? That is the single worst place to stay in the world, it's official haha
jonny2x4 0
This was so freaking funny, I almost shat myself. :P
eleni_fml 0
Language fail -.-
roshamboe 0
haha is it shat or shitted?
sandbox2008 0
What an ironic fmylife.. since I am currently sitting on the toliet shatting as I type this.
mxrcr 0
YDI for using the word "shat"... I mean, seriously?
sithwithashotgun 0
What about it? ¨Shat¨ is the past tense verb of ¨shit¨, and is, in all respects, a legitimate word. What´s wrong with using it?