Missed cues

Overfamiliar

Today, I went in for an interview with a firm where I'd done some interning before. After shaking hands with both the directors, I went to shake hands with one of the director's wives, who also works there. Turns out she was going for a hug and kiss on the cheek. I ended up kissing her on the lips. FML

Falling at the first hurdle

Today, I went to a job interview super early and giddy with enthusiasm. While waiting in the lobby, I struck up a friendly conversation with a bloke who was also waiting around in a suit. I jokingly told him, “Good luck mate, but I’m getting this job.” Turns out he was the hiring manager. FML

Hard no

Today, I had an important job interview. The interviewer really seemed to like me. Instead of hiring me, he asked me out on a date. FML

Today, I walked into a door on my way in to an interview, in front of the interviewer and a group of people waiting to be interviewed. FML

Toxic workplace goals!

Today, I walked out of a job interview feeling confident because I'd really hit it off with the interviewer. He called me an hour later to tell me that I didn't get the job, since he was afraid we'd "get along too well and never get any work done." FML

Overfamiliarity

Today, I went in to hug my boss after a big project presentation, all because I misread his body language and thought he was opening his arms to me, but he was actually reaching for his jacket. I basically hugged his sleeve while he stared at me like I’d lost my mind. FML

Objectification

Today, at a job interview, my interviewer bent forward and I admired his ass. When he turned, I couldn't tell if he caught me or not. At the end of the interview he shook my hand in congratulations of getting the job, then said, "Yes, I do work out." I have to see him every day now. FML

Give it to me

Today, I was cleaning the windows at work and a guy walked in so I opened the door for him. After I opened the door, he stood there with his eyes closed and his arms open. I thought he wanted a hug so I hugged him. Apparently he wanted me to spray him with Windex. FML

Not awkward at all

Today, I met the old couple I would be house-sitting for. As I was leaving the lady stuck her fist out towards me. After a seconds awkward pause I thought she wanted to fist-bump so stuck mine out and bumped. Turned out she was handing me the key. FML

Nerves

Today, I had a job interview. I stopped to take a pee in the lobby before I went in. I relaxed a bit too much at the urinal and accidentally farted. I chuckled about it like a 5 year-old for a few seconds. The guy who had been next to me at the urinal was the interviewer. FML