Today, I was babysitting my 5 month-old nephew, who hasn't pooped in two days according to his mom. Well, he pooped. I accidentally stuck my finger in it. While I was wiping my finger off, he rolled over and peed on my new carpet. I rolled him over to clean the pee and he opened fire and pooped again. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was potty-training my nephew. He had been on the toilet for almost twenty minutes and could not go. My phone started ringing, and as I went to pick it up he knocked it into the toilet. He then peed and pooped on it. FML
Today, while the kid I was babysitting was in the bathroom, he called to me "I need some help in here." Worried I ran to the bathroom and asked him what was wrong. He needed me to wipe his butt. As if that weren't gross enough, just as my hand was under his butt, he pooped again and laughed. FML
Today, I was babysitting to make a few extra dollars. While changing one of the kid's diapers, I turned around to find the other kid gone. I turned back around frantically, only to get poop flung at my face. I guess I found him. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were changing our newborn son when he peed on her, making me lose it laughing. Less than five seconds later, as I picked him up to clean him off, he did a huge poop, all over my hands, arms, feet, and clothes. Instant Karma. FML
Today, I was babysitting my friend's two year-old daughter. Within 15 minutes, she had crawled out of her crib, taken off her diaper, and smooshed her poop in between the cracks in the floor. I put her in the tub, left to get a towel, and came back to her pooping in the tub. FML
Today, my 3-year-old missed the toilet. In the time it took me to get paper towel to clean it up, my one-year-old decided it was the perfect puddle to play in. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom after my 9 year-old nephew. Apparently nobody taught him to lift the seat when he pees, or how to aim properly, because when I sat down, I sat in his pee. FML
Today, I had to clean up after the kid who discovered he could finger paint with his poo. FML
Today, my 3-year-old came to me very excited because he had gone to the bathroom by himself for the first time. What he did not tell me was that he had shit on the floor, and when I went into the bathroom to check, I slipped on a turd and knocked myself out on the sink. FML
Today, my son pooped in his diaper and managed to somehow take it off without my knowledge. He then sat down on the carpet and imitated a dog with worms, all the way down the hallway, through the living room, and into my bedroom. FML
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Top comments
hamzy 0
Lol, "opened fire". For some reason I find this fml more cute then FMLish.
flydog 2
how do you ''accidentally stuck my finger in it.'' ? poor kid must be going FML!!
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Comments (117)
ocean3684 0
Number 75 is right ( with both aspects) I really hate babys, there useless and HORRIBLY ugly.
suks2bu 0
hahahahahaha atta boyyy ;)
24788 7
That sounds like a shitty day.
YungMarlon23 0
Daaaaamn! He was storing ammo for an all-out full scale blast of an attack!... He was jus shooting steamer missiles, then acid bomb, and then jus more turd missiles to finish the job! Overall for him, win.
gsino 0
Jesus..... I hate kids.
najma95 0
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA "opened fire" LOL LMAO #13 hahahah
stringoffail 0
This is why I will never understand anyone's desire to procreate.
xXMILKYCHUNKSXx 0
I can't picture that without laughing. Just every time he rolls, he pisses or *****. It's like a ******* machine.
Vehicle 1
And this is why you don't have kids. Or let your siblings have them. :D
myotherlips 0
You SURE you ACCIDENTALLY put your finger there? Stop trying to play nurse. Us CNAs, Nurses, and Doctors know what you were doing. lol.