Today, my alarm went off. I reached to swat it, missed, slipped, smacked my face on my dresser, and fell on the floor. As I picked myself up off the floor, I hit my head on the open top drawer of my other dresser. In 30 seconds of consciousness, I was attacked by two pieces of furniture. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as I tried to get out of bed, I got my foot tangled in my sheets. I reached out to my dresser to avoid falling flat on my face. I didn't fall, but I did manage to smash my fingers in the drawer while still trapped in the sheets. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML
Today, I was walking into my living room when I slipped over the carpet, bashed my head on my glass table, and was moaning in pain on the floor. My parents came running when they heard my head bang… straight to the table, to see if there were any scratches on it. FML
Today, I was woken by my alarm. I got really tangled up in my blankets, and struggled frantically to untangle myself so I could turn off the alarm. I not only kneed myself in the face, but I accidentally punched myself in the nuts too. Hard. FML
Today, I had a dream where I whacked my head against my shelf. I woke up immediately after, freaked out and whacked my head against my shelf. FML
Today, at work, I managed to hit myself in the face with a large sheet pan. The force made me back into a shelf, which knocked a box off the top, which hit me in the head and knocked me out-cold. I now have a fat lip, a sore head, and bruises all over from the fall. FML
Today, I finally decided to do something productive and clean my room. When I went to pick up the first thing off my floor, I hit my head on my desk and gave myself a concussion. FML
Today, I opened the cabinet to take a pill for my headache. After taking the pill, I turned around and smashed my head on the open cabinet door. FML
Today, as I was trying to get out of bed, my foot began sliding across the floor. I instinctively tried to balance myself, only for the new angle to cause my right hip to painfully and loudly dislocate, making me fall face-forward into my dresser. Back stuck in bed after three days of freedom. FML
Today, as I rushed to get my pants on, I slipped and bashed my forehead against the solid oak back board of my bed. School starts in 30 minutes and I look like I lost a boxing match horribly. FML
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Top comments
Bobby64 29
Yes, but I think the OP deserved it for not wearing a helmet to bed. Totally unsafe.
livlafluv100 2
you should sue whoever made the furniture.
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Comments (117)
girmonkey 0
Wow that seems like the kind of thing that you just can't avoid. I'm just taking a wild guess, but I'm sure the rest of your day was just as crappy. Feel really bad for you. *_*
frootloop25 0
O_O What a LIFE. Seriously. Well, at least now you have a good story to share!
ateasenfitz 0
Learn to close your dresser drawers and maybe it won't attack you so much!!
girmonkey 0
Twilight freaks. I read all four in two weeks. I'm 15..... The read is way to fast. I swear, it's not just a book... It's a cult! :•
itsme88 0
I'm sorry, but my daughter and I laughed hard at this one!!! I'm sorry you're a klutz...welcome to the club!! (My daughter and I are, too)
dillweed89 0
Way to go, Dick Van Dyke.
awesomeperson 0
dude that is HILARIOUS!
SirAndrew 0
lmfao, I've done the same thing. Cheek bone got to meet the corner of the dresser.
Tsukasa_fml 0
#31, AFHV used to be funny ages ago. They've pretty well been replaced by Youtube now.
CaptainJellyBean 0
Sounds like resistentialism, my friend! Gotta watch out for those dressers, they are rather hostile!