Today, I was looking at old pictures with my mom and saw one of myself crying in kindergarten. I asked why I was crying. She said that was the day a boy kissed me on the cheek, and I thought I'd gotten pregnant. She then decided to give me the sex talk. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was really excited because the girl I'd liked since freshman year asked me out. She came to my house and my mom decided to show her baby pictures of me with tampons up my nose because I'd had a nose bleed. Even worse, there was one picture of me when I was 15 doing the same thing. FML
Today, I sat down with my daughter to have the sex talk, because she recently started seeing a guy. I mentioned at one point how disappointed I would be if she got pregnant. She went wide-eyed and asked, "Didn't mom tell you?" FML
Today, I told my friends I was kissed by a girl. They said "Yeah, probably by your mom." The sad thing is, they were right. FML
Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML
Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, I was getting it on with a girl I've been talking to for three months. She's a year younger than me and it was her first time. So, I went easy. After five minutes she started crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she said that I reminded her of her dad. FML
Today, my 11-year-old son and I were going through some old photos. He saw one of me when I was 22 on a beach, wearing a bikini. He said "Wow! Who's that?" Quite proudly I said it was me. He looked at me and said "What happened?" FML
Today, I sat my mom down to tell her I was pregnant, but before I could say anything, she started to lecture me on safe sex. I don't see this ending well. FML
Today, I took a pregnancy test. When I saw that the result was positive, I started crying and showed my mom. She burst out laughing and told me that I had taken an ovulation test. FML
Today, my mother had "The talk" with me about sex. I spent the entire time confused as to what brought this up, until she mentioned she had found a used condom in the backseat of the car. I haven't had any action in it, and have no idea whose it was. FML
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Top comments
_kyleG_ 34
At first, this sounded like she gave you the sex talk in kindergarten... I might be a bad person for this, but THAT would've been funny!
ktm71125 19
We all have weird stories from childhood OP! Except the sex talk might have been awkward.
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Comments (55)
holly_24135 18
Should we not be asking the age of op?
chef4money 12
That is awesome op, thank you for the laugh. I'm sure at the time you were worried about being a very young mother but it's cracking me up. When I was that age I swallowed a nickel and my brother told me that meant I would get aids. I was a crying mess, it's still a vivid memory for me.
91hayek 31
Older siblings are the worst. I can't be the only one scared stiff because of their trolling. My older sister told me I would now be growing watermelons in my stomach because I swallowed the seeds.
chef4money 12
It didn't help that he is 8 years older than me, so I looked at him as an adult. He showed me my cabbage patch doll birth certificate and told me it was mine and that I was adopted and I believed him. I was worked up for weeks over that one. I cried too when my Nana told me I would grow watermelons in my stomach from the seeds. Jesus I just realised everyone in my family tormented me. That explains so much about why I am the way I am.
praesidiem 16
Your guys' stories all seem like good-natured older sibling teasing. My grandad told me that zebras, were giraffes and vice versa. You should've seen the looks I got in elementary school when the class found out I loved "giraffes."
brycemash 9
Season 2 of "7 and pregnant"
Miss_Whipped 43
Why in the absolute value of **** would you suggest this?
shay_serendipity 29
Learn to take a joke, #21.
StickyPickles 33
That would do it. . .
flyingmind_fml 17
kindergarten O.o come on !!!!
91hayek 31
Smooth segue by your mom, dude.
js48 19
Look at the authors name?
remometol 16
What about it?..
PePziNL 20
Wait, I'm confused. Did she give you the sex talk in kindergarten (thus being the reason you started crying), or did she after you saw the picture?
BananaCoconutty 26
What a great mom
hoosiergirl94 31
Oh, moms....