Lovely, just lovely

Respect should be earned

Today, while out in public, my stepmom turned and screamed at me for a good while for “walking through a door before an elder.” People stared. FML

Today, my four-year-old son decided to bite my butt during prayer at church. The entire sanctuary heard me instinctively swear at him. FML

Today, my mom put me in an anger management class because I said "crap." FML

Isn't it ironic, don't you think?

Today, my mom complained that I was being too loud, and she smacked my head really hard. All while screaming at me. FML

Different together

Today, my mom walked in on me shaving the tops of my legs. She called me a freak, since apparently women aren’t even supposed to grow hair there. FML

Respect the dead

Today, I got slapped in the face for stifling a yawn at my grandmother’s funeral. I wasn’t being disrespectful; I have a condition. FML

Jumpy

Today, my mom screamed at me for being startled by her, calling my reaction “unnecessary and extremely rude.” When I tried to explain to her for the millionth time that I startle easily, and it’s involuntary, she told me to “make it voluntary, or else.” I fear what is to come. FML

Hypocrite much?

Today, my mom bitched me out and threatened to send me to a Bible camp, after catching me admiring a photo of a bikini model, which is apparently "immoral behavior." This is the same woman who cheated on my dad twice, justifying it by claiming the Devil tempted her. FML

Today, my mom duly informed me I'm the reason people have middle fingers. FML

Today, I was at church, when my mom's phone went off during the sermon. As if that wasn't humiliating enough for me, her ring tone was set to the Bed Intruder song. FML