Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor… and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, whilst pleasuring myself in my bedroom, I began absent-mindedly staring at a spider on the ceiling. It wasn't until the point of climax that I realised that I was, in effect, masturbating over a spider. FML
Today, I was in my bed masturbating when I felt something on my chest. I looked down to see a spider running around. I'm super scared of spiders. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML
Today, I was having a relaxing "wank", as they might say on Doctor Who, when a large spider descended from its web and came practically eye-to-eye with me. I screamed like a bitch and fell off my bed, pants around my ankles. Then my sister ran in to see what was wrong. FML
Today, as I was watching a DVD, I noticed a spider crawling on my crotch area. So, I panicked and smashed the spider, smashing my nuts in the process. FML
Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML
Today, when putting something away on a high shelf, something small and black fell down my cleavage. I thought nothing of it and finished the task at hand. When I pulled out the neck of my shirt later to find it and looked down, glaring up at me from my boobs was a large, disgruntled spider. FML
Today, while I was working from home on my laptop and had my feet up on the coffee table, I felt something on my foot. I looked down to see a spider the size of a quarter on top of my bare foot. It started doing something so I froze, hoping it wouldn't bite me. Instead, it anchored the start of its web to my skin. FML
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Top comments
btopishere 1
That's how Peter Parker was created.
Crudez0rz 0
Who the **** masturbates into a sock?!?! hahaha
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Comments (286)
alex_vik 1
..Check the sock next time? I have a feeling you're from Australia though, they've got huge spiders everywhere down there.
ashboust 0
lol, no we don't ?
princessmelissa 3
we have some of the biggest spiders in the world down here so I'd agree with your comment. that'd be hell scary to find... our spiders aren't only big they are deadly!
geminiTwin4 3
well there goes my plans of ever moving to Australia..
OhbbyCx 6
Haha. "Down there."
Mjwnenrjs 17
It says he's from Michigan....
AnnStarfire 0
Did the spider call you afterwords? If not, you must've be bad.
greendaygirl999 5
WIN
bella789 8
winning x]
ArivO 0
Why the hell do you ********** into the sock!?
sarah8309 5
13) some guys do that. A lot of guys do tht.
Zic_fml 7
Lol, that was terrifying. Was it a tranatula? XD
Smashhoof 15
I don't think a tranatula or a tarantula would fit in a sock.
jbel08 0
oh no! haha that's so sick..
Mnemic 6
I agree with #2 and #13... Say... to you wear those socks again after you washed them? Or you have special socks for it?
deathphsyco 0
usually it's a certain sock although sometimes it's a random sock that we throw away
Andicc 19
So that's where all the lost matches to my socks go!! I blamed it on the dryer but it must have been my man using them for cum catchers and tossing them...one of the great mysteries of the universe answered.
TEAZO 0
lmao you did a spider thats funny prob the most action you got in a while.
tyler1 0
were you at least able to satisfy it? because judging by the fact your using a sock, you prolly havent been satisfying any ladies lately. lol im just playin man hahaha
The_Big_Guy 0
OH GOD!!!! My favorite FML thus far...So many possibilities with this one. -you've created Man-spider ( Spiderman's new arch nemesis) -the spider will now eat you in your sleep, since you have mated -the spider might have laid eggs in your dack-hole=new urban legend... -your next busted nut will consist of baby spiders and not sperm -your next busted nut will consist of cob-webs -you are the first man to have made love to a spider=new fetish -FML from the spider..."After a long day, I was really tired and found a warm home in a sock. I was awakened by an earthquake..which turned out to actually be me getting raped by the biggest **** I have ever seen. FML !!"
EvilAngelAshley 3
Dude...The spider FML was hilarious. Lmfao. The mental pictures...are so wrong... I love it! :)
timeoffire45 8
Holy ******* shit that had me laughing my ass off... :D Btw, OP: Your life does suck, but YDI--after all, why would you ********** into a sock? 0.o condoms work really nicely... or a fleshlamp, if you can get over the fact that it look like you're ******* a flashlight... :-P
Rach_star 0
LOL @19. You made my day
brit8741 0
Poor spider. "Today, I took a nap in my nice sock home. It's very nice, even though it was weirdly crusty today, but whatever. When I woke up I was being raped by some weird dick-looking thing, but it was almost as big as me!!!" OP I hope you didn't get it pregnant. Tell your therapist I said Good Luck.
IMTHEGREATEST 0
you are very clever and an excellent comedian... I salute you
Whydoyouask 11
LMFAO, that spider fml was hilarious 19!
campana1024 0
You really wrote out that whole comment, and all those thing u said were ****** retarded. You must have too much free time
HANGtheFREAK 0
lmao you're supposed to buy the spider dinner before you have sex! tsk tsk. bad manners. was it a girl spider? O_o
swhockey02 0
haha good poiont he might have just ****** a guy spider