Today, I'm quite ill. My new step-mother believes that the genetic wheat allergy I got from my mother would have gone away since she's now married to my father instead. Looks like dad picked a winner. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband and I found out that our daughter's chronic stomach aches are due to gluten intolerance, so we need to cut all wheat out of our diet. We're bakers. FML
Today, my boyfriend’s mom fed me a new dish containing peanuts, knowing full well I’m severely allergic. According to her, her ancestors “cured” allergies by exposing the person to the allergen. I went into anaphylactic shock. FML
Today, I’m getting a very interesting demonstration of how genetics work: I have inherited all my dad’s health issues, plus those from my mom, plus a bunch of new ones that belong exclusively to me. FML
Today, I found out I have celiac disease. I also happen to be a baker and will be constantly reminded of all the wheat products I can no longer enjoy. FML
Today, I'm getting married. A few months ago, I allowed my mother in-law to take care of catering. She begged to be a part of the wedding, so I gave her the caterer's number and order info. It appears that I will not be eating at my own wedding because she decided to order food I'm allergic to. FML
Today, my grandmother is shocked that literally all of her kids and grandkids have mental handicaps. She won't admit it's because her and my grandfather are first cousins, and is claiming instead it's, "because of gluten." FML
Today, my mom baked a cake for the whole family. One spent EpiPen later, I found out there were nuts in it, which I'm severely allergic to. My mom's defense was that she thought I'd have "gotten over" my allergy by now. FML
Today, we live in a tiny trailer. My doctor said I have celiac disease. My dad, who takes things too literally, came back with gluten-free dog food. I don’t even have a dog. FML
Today, I missed going to my boyfriend's stepsister's wedding. I would have been meeting my boyfriend's mom for the first time; now she doesn't like me. She figured I could just "tough it out". I have a chronic health condition and haven't been able to eat or get out of bed. FML
Today, my Mom and I found out that we're allergic to the wood my Dad has been making fires with. She can't see, I can't breathe. FML
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Top comments
immaMonsta 8
Just be thankful that she isn't your doctor.
DocBastard 40
Isn't that how genetics works? Your hair and eyes can change color too!
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Comments (65)
immaMonsta 8
Just be thankful that she isn't your doctor.
howdeedoo 22
Or your real mother
reddawn1985 12
Your step mom is a dumb ass
_Oblivion_ 12
You have one of those psycho moms don't you?
sublimaze 6
#41 - Nah. Not psycho. Just dumb as a bag of rocks. Dad is obviously having a midlife crisis and married a cheerleader captain. She will be out the door once Dad finds out she's sleeping with his best friend.
gc327072 31
"Trust me, I'm a step mom"
awkward_gothlady 32
That would be scary. She probably failed high school biology but still got to graduate because she flirted with the right person.
sens3sfailing 25
"Teacher? I'm having trouble with the reproductive system homework, could you please give me a private lesson in your room after school?"
DocBastard 40
Isn't that how genetics works? Your hair and eyes can change color too!
Dracoboxer357 36
10- .....Actually, you can sync periods. That's not something regulated by genetics, but by hormones. The Doc, was being sarcastic....something I truly hope you Did understand. :p
license2chill 5
27.. I think 10 was trying to be sarcastic..
ElmoSaysSquishy 28
45 the key word being trying.
lidget 5
I got the sarcasm right away...
RochelleRedvines 8
82, the point is 10 was being sarcastic about something that's true. You can, in fact, sync periods.
Fellsnows 5
I defiantly trust you to be my doctor
randomhangul 4
I think 10 was referencing a past FML about the coworkers and since periods.
sens3sfailing 25
Definitely* it's hard to defiantly chose doc as your doctor because a lot of people respect him and all that he does for the public with his great comments. That saving lives shit may help a little, but being a good commenter is what does it for me. *whips the sarcasm on that last sentence from my hands*
Fellsnows 5
Lol ya who cares if your intestines are spilling out all that matters is that you have a smile on your face when it happens
DracoSpirita 21
Cerealsly? Wheat an idiot! IHOP you wheynt to the doctor for that allergy, OP. And make sure your new step-mom knows that you still have the allergy.
Begiz 12
Wat
menacingsprite 3
I thought this was clever. Using wheat-based products for some words.
a_commenter 3
When it comes to puns, this really raises the bar(ley).
desireev 18
Win!
tacojauns 45
Your cured!
rs89 20
You're*.
BeforeItWasCool 12
Oh, there's my cured! I've been looking for that. Thanks!
KunoKanashimi 3
Ugh, what did my cured do this time?!
chrisbravo 4
Son- Dad are you serious? This is the woman you choose?! Dad- What can I say, son? Daddy's horny.
hopsinlove17 26
You don't know OP is a male....
botanistjessica 24
Ew.
Jake_the_Giraffe 7
Boo
AwsumShyGuy 12
Looks like the apple fell pretty far from the tree.
AwsumShyGuy 12
I think I misread the FML and thought that she was OP's real mom. I'll thumb myself down.
Pretty_Pink_Lady 10
What about the apple?
KiddNYC1O 22
Shit just got serious.
chilearmy123 4
Who knows! Maybe she's right?
With_Love929 3
Were you engaged to a make believe person?
Nicostream 16
I know it's off so sorry but I didn't find any forums nor did the FAQ say anything about this... I've got a problem that I can't submit a FML because it shows some weird error page with the following message: "This XML file does not appear to have any style information associated with it. The document tree is shown below. <code>errflood</code>" Anyone knows what's the problem?
Szaszaspasz 26
She is definitely swimming in the shallow end of the gene pool.
brewmasterg 34
Probably screaming for a lifeguard.
DracoSpirita 21
OP's stepmom is Scar? :O
kmccain 27
I read that in scar's voice :)