Today, I found out the reason why my therapist was so nice to me all of the time. Apparently, she is afraid that I'm going to stab her if she pisses me off. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I ran into my former therapist. Still confused by her last email, I asked what she needed to "protect herself" from. She said she needed to protect herself from feeling sad and worrying that I'd get beaten up. I'm afraid I now understand why this country is so messed up. FML
Today, I went to therapy. I started talking about my childhood and my life. By the time the session was over my therapist was crying. FML
Today, I found out that my dad has a therapist. That's cool. What's cooler is that she's a very nice lady, and even said to ME that I could talk too if I wanted to. Boy, do I want to. But if I did, then she would probably need a therapist herself, and the last thing my dad needs is his therapist needing a therapist. FML
Today, I tried therapy to talk about my problems without feeling like i am harassing anyone. After messaging a therapist for over 2 hours, I felt way better and finally understood. It turned out I'm in such a bad mental state that I'm a danger to myself and others. Police were called by the therapist. FML
Today, my therapist farted three times during the same session. FML
Today, after my boss thanked me for being so "reliable" all the time, I confessed to her that I have really bad anxiety, which has given me a crippling fear of disappointing her and ending up jobless. Even after reassuring me that she would never do that, the feeling is still there. I think I need therapy. FML
Today, I had my first appointment with my new therapist. After I told her my family history and past abusive situations, she looked at me and asked, "How are you still sane?" FML
Today, my therapist started laughing at me whilst I was telling my story. He said, "Sorry, I can't help it" and burst out laughing. FML
Today, my therapist clapped for me when I told her I'd made a friend. FML
Today, I came to the unpleasant realization that my friends only keep me around because I’m nice, know when to keep my mouth shut, and am willing to listen to them vent. In short, I’m the therapist friend. FML
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Top comments
SnigglePoop 3
Put a menacing face on and mabye you'll get a discount ;)
perdix 31
They're nice to you because you pay them. Follow the money. If she thought you were really dangerous, she'd send you to a psychiatric hospital. She knows you are just a pussy full of rage and impotence. She's not afraid you'll pull out a knife, but that you'll put away your checkbook.
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Comments (129)
Burr520 3
Happens all the time
EvilPotato 15
Stop looking angry and upset all the time.
Jaxx66 21
She's a crappy therapist then...
you_and_me_fml 8
Keep it up and I sense a discount coming your way
Xx_Dakota_xX 1
That's when u shanked her am I right?
flagg1888 3
I found out the real reason she was so nice to you....It's their job!!
Damn_Hippster 11
You know your therapist is good when...
Damn_Hippster 11
You know your therapist is good when...
Damn_Hippster 11
Oh the joys of hitting the submit button twice. Stupid iPhone
YourEvilHero 12
aren't they suppose to be nice anyways?
LiyIa_fml 8
Why did you need a therapist in the first place? If it wad for anger managment, time tk get a new one! :D
SCREAM4meeee 0
you should go stab her now :D
Keyman1212 14
OP, you need to stop your knife sharpening hobby. At least do it in private, not in front of your therapist.
smileyxo4 5
98- Rob You Silly (Durty Rob) & OP, I'm curious as to how you found this information out?
smileyxo4 5
Like did your therapist just tell you? That'd be a reason to stab her
schrodingersdog 4
Stay away from the rapists!
mongooses 2
You shoulda stood up and acted really angry, brought your arm back for a punch, and sat back down laughing.
SnigglePoop 3
Put a menacing face on and mabye you'll get a discount ;)
docscientist 10
Then she might mistake op as a criminal mentalist. Or a criminist
SHANK_a_F00 4
Discount? Don't pay at all :D
rexgar2000 10
do you have a background of violent activity? O.o
panvicka 16
or she will pay you if you leave with your hands up
Bertj 5
What did you just say?! *stabs* xD
futtbuck101 1
Knife or banana??
that_band_nerd 22
Why not both? ...and that kids, is how the knifnana was made!
Zelion 0
Look on the bright side, probably no one messes with you!
mea_iloveskiing 26
Do that mr. bean scene when he pretends to take the weapon out of his jacket just to scare her :)
bonnie789 1
Hahaha that's the best
BreyBBY 0
Mr bean is awesome :)
MrsPegg 45
"Give me the Xanax and no one gets hurt!!!" lmao, but damn OP! Usually the psychologist is the one doing the mind control! FYL
dreamering 16
Apparently you have expressed the will to stab people.
Deamoner 0
NO I HAVE NOT!!!!! *Stab*
CryMoreFMLs 15
So what's your choice of shiv, OP? Chicken bone, fork, or the good ol' classic knife?
THE_A_TEEN 28
I choose machete...
HomeAl0ne 20
I stab them with fire. Not only does it do double damage, it confuses the **** out of them.
saIty 17
What if OP was planning on stabbing her... with a pickle.
Enslaved 38
Euphemism?
xleanne_aLly 23
Or a hard candy-shaped dick?
absolutegrrr 7
^ euphemism?
drewfus2 6
Giggity
perdix 31
They're nice to you because you pay them. Follow the money. If she thought you were really dangerous, she'd send you to a psychiatric hospital. She knows you are just a pussy full of rage and impotence. She's not afraid you'll pull out a knife, but that you'll put away your checkbook.
opendoorclosed 8
^^^ Life as it is, by Perdix.
revanche 2
I was about to write a reply stating people actually have problems nd this helped...... but then I saw it was perdix....no1 takes him serious
pineapplefiend 13
I'm a little afraid to say YDI. Just in case.