Today, I stood up wrong from the toilet, leading to me pulling a muscle in both of my thighs, just above the knees. This made me feel old, and even older when I immediately remembered this website from when I was still young. I'm 29 now. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm while wiping my butt. FML
Today, I pulled a hamstring by taking a dump. FML
Today, I found out why I was gradually getting worsening hip pain in those muscles. Turns out I was slouching too much and it had finally caught up with me. I'm only 39. Nothing like needing to go to physical therapy to correct my posture before I turn 50. FML
Today, I pulled a groin muscle. While cleaning the cat litter box. The last time this happened, I was playing high school football. 40 years ago. FML
Today, I had just gotten out of the shower when I thought I had to fart, so I ripped it. instead, I shat all over myself and my floor. I'm 30. FML
Today, I pulled a shoulder muscle opening my front door. How are your thirties going? FML
Today, I learned the hard way that age is not just a number when I completely threw out my back while sitting on the ground, gently tossing a ball. FML
Today, I pooped my pants for the first time, ever. At least since I was a baby. I just turned 38; is this what getting older looks like? FML
Today, I took a pretty nasty fall on the ice and made noises similar to the ones my dad makes when he's in pain. I am officially becoming old. FML
Today, I realized how fat I really am. While going to the bathroom I leaned to the side to wipe my butt and heard a crack. Not knowing what it was, I continued to wipe. After I finished, I got up to see that I'd cracked the toilet seat in half. FML
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Top comments
Charlie Given 28
Make sure you're fully relaxed while sitting on the toilet with both feet flat on the floor, most people tense their lower body without realizing it when they're trying to have a bowel movement.
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Comments (1)
Charlie Given 28
Make sure you're fully relaxed while sitting on the toilet with both feet flat on the floor, most people tense their lower body without realizing it when they're trying to have a bowel movement.