Today, I went for a jog. I was 5 km away from home when I had a sudden urge to poop. I didn't want to use the bushes, so I thought I could hold it in. I was wrong. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went on a hike. About two miles into the five mile trail, my stomach started to bubble and I realized there were no bathrooms nearby. My only options were to literally shit my pants or shit in a bush. Well, I shit in the bush and had no tissue to wipe. I hate having stomach issues. FML
Today, I went on a walk with my family because I'm trying to be more active. We were near my son's school when I got a grumbling in my stomach. I rushed to find a place to take a dump. As I approached a Porta-Potty, my ass couldn't hold it any longer and I shit myself 20 feet away from the toilet. FML
Today, while out jogging, I was suddenly hit with unbelievable gastric distress. I wasn't wearing brown pants when I set out on that jog, but I sure was when I made it back home. FML
Today, I was hit with a sudden urge to shit. I knew it was going to be a bad one, so I ran out of the meeting. I made it to the toilet in time, but I forgot to lift the lid. FML
Today, I was outside when I was suddenly overcome by an intense need to shit. The back door was locked, so I tried to run to the front, but couldn't make it. As I squatted in the bushes, my girlfriend came home unexpectedly. She screamed and called me a sick, disgusting freak. FML
Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML
Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML
Today, I had a rumble in my tummy whilst picking up groceries. I tried to let out a little poot, but ended up shitting in my pants. I had to leave without the groceries. FML
Today, I was rushing to walk home because my stomach was upset. I dodged multiple people, getting closer and closer, got my front door open, got up my stairs, and then lost control of my bowels on the top step. FML
Today, I was walking my dog when he stopped in the middle of the street and took a dump. I looked around furtively but saw nobody, so I just kept walking. I stepped in it on the way back home. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
So you had the runs?
DocBastard 40
Mrs. Bastard is very happy about is. Miss Bastard is only 5, so she only appreciates it when I play the piano.
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Comments (111)
lu95 16
Ew that's gross
MindFreakazoid 10
Really? Wow cool story.
biggestfan23 11
Ya OP you should've used the bushes. You could've been at one with nature and all that good stuff but now you have mud butt
random_jay 6
Gross? Well I thought it was sexy.
Death_Hoe_Inn 10
And a little shitty
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Cleveland: That's nasty...
Bluekaren16 19
If OP would have pooped and gotten caught, he would be registered as a sex offender. Lets see crap in your pants or a registered sex offender.... Yea I'm going to go with crapping in my pants. See OP just think of the positives of this unfortunate situation.
phatdaddy62 23
# 40 - if you think of taking a shit in the woods is a sexual thing, maybe you should check out this club I went to in Amsterdam in the early eighties!
yourbiggestfan4 0
Um, I rather not poop myself. Ever. For any reason.
Bluekaren16 19
# 66 I was assuming he was in public. But no taking a dump in the woods isnt a sexual thing, unless he receives a blumpkin.
efemel94 7
There was once was a person named OP Who drank a lot of coffee and tea She went for a jog She dropped a log As she thought she only needed a pee.
phatdaddy62 23
74 - Throw in the blumpkin and we're talking a Whole New Game!
suzy6293 3
What a clever little poem
aro2471 0
should of gone in the bushes
MindFreakazoid 10
Have**
AGhost5445 25
Thank you 16 I didn't understand what he was saying.
MindFreakazoid 10
You're very welcome
newbiehere99 6
That's some funny shit
DocBastard 40
So you had the runs?
TrueTriage 16
The old saying: The brown shorts run will always train you the best. Was taken a little to seriously there..
buck33 14
Not necessarily. Have you ever tried holding anything in for 5k? A mile or two yeah but I personally have never been able to do that...
mikeymayhem_87 15
Or how about that drive home when you know you can make it, but you cut it so close as the urge gets worse the closer you get? I hate it when that happens!
Nutty4Muffs 3
I walked home from school, 2 miles with 40 lb on my back, a few years ago. I made it all the way to the bathroom. Guess what happened when my pants button was stuck.
syki 22
I guess it was a bit runny? Edit: Well... Technically mine has an adjective. Damn your fast fingers, DocBastard.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
The doc has fast fingers? Oh ho ho! ;p I'm sure Miss Bastard is happy.
DocBastard 40
Mrs. Bastard is very happy about is. Miss Bastard is only 5, so she only appreciates it when I play the piano.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Mother of god, I made Doc seem like a pedo. Forgive me!
Jordanln97 9
It's become apparent that Doc can do anything.
Inheritance 10
DocBastard is my idol =]
KizzalKat 2
Well..you know what they say..When you gotta go, you gotta go o.o
MindFreakazoid 10
Your picture makes me happy :3
btstig 11
Next time wear depends on your jog. You can shit all over yourself.
metaphoristic 8
Autocorrect strikes again?
Rowdey 10
Depends are adult diapers.
metaphoristic 8
I didn't know. Oops.
onlychildFTW 34
There seems to e a lot of FMLs recently that diapers could have come in handy. Just get those pull up style depends and no one will know and you don't have to worry about ruining clothing.
KiddNYC1O 22
55- This is a good example why google is your friend and research is important.
metaphoristic 8
Well, I don't have the time to research or even consider researching everything that seems like a typo to me.
KiddNYC1O 22
My point stands.
citymayer 7
No it doesn't still stand. I wouldn't research what I thought was a typo. Do you? If you do you must waste a lot of time. I'm sorry you have to be a dick over a mistake. Not everyone can be as smart or resourceful as you I guess.
KiddNYC1O 22
Yeah, because you didn't just waste time ranting to me over the internet. It's really not that hard or a waste of time to highlight a word you're not sure of and look for the definition. As far as the research goes, I didn't mean that literally. You don't know me. I wasn't trying to be a dick.
metaphoristic 8
Wouldn't highlighting a word and searching for its definition still be considered a form of research though?
kepryn80 1
that depends
YaboyVinnie 21
"Got. To. Hold- Ah.."
ADuckOnQuack_fml 0
Why would you do that?! It would be just plain uncomfortable to run while you have to take a shit.
trivel64 16
And that's a lot more uncomfortable than simply pooping in a bush
borkchop1992 15
And there were no restaraunts or fast food places around for you to stop by to do it?
shaykay1995 5
Uh oh.. Looks like 4th of July fireworks went off a bit early today.. Huh?