Today, my girlfriend was making lunch and asked me to pass her the peanut butter. I'll never know why, but as I handed it to her I said the first thing that came to mind, "I really want a dog." She looked at me in horror, then told me to get out of her house. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML
Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for changing my phone's password, like I thought she would try to access my phone without telling me. When I pointed out she could only know I changed it by trying to unlock it behind my back, she took the sandwich I'd just made and fed it to the dog. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, my girlfriend went on yet another long-winded rant about how dogs are family and should be treated as such, whilst stuffing her face with ribs. I asked her what the difference was between a dog and the pile of pig parts on her plate. Her only response was to call me a monster and dump me. FML
Today, my daughter was going to Bulk Barn so I asked her to pick me up something to snack on. When she got home, she brought over a bag and without listening to her explain what it was, I began eating it. She looked at me confused, then began laughing. It was a dog treat. FML
Today, I was talking with my wife of five years, and I gave her a few hints about wanting kids. After our talk, she looked at me completely serious and said, "Yeah yeah, kids are great and all, but can't we just get you a dog?" FML
Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of 4 years. I took the whole day to cook a nice meal, and stuck the ring in a cookie that I was going to give to her. In the middle of the dinner I was holding the cookie under the table, about to give it to her. My dog ate it. FML
Today, my girlfriend called me and told me she "had a surprise for me when I got home" in a sexy voice. So I hurried home, only to find a note saying she left me and took my dog. Deeply depressed, I went into the living room. She took my TV also. FML
Today, my wife isn't speaking to me and is considering separation because I got rid of the puppy she surprised me with for my birthday. She knows I hate dogs and I'm severely allergic to them, but thought it would be a happy case of "Dad later falls in love." FML
Today, I found out that my wife purposely eats peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to get out of kissing me. I'm deathly allergic to peanuts. FML
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Top comments
addisonrose12 16
What's the big deal?
Wolfparable 22
I WAS gonna post something sympathetic then I noticed my picture... You're on your own man.
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Comments (73)
dakotaabriannee 14
I don't see anything wrong with that?
rinnybell210 16
This makes no sense...which causes me to suspect that you made it up.
crandel 11
Well getting a dog now would be a good way to cheer yourself. With a dog and a jar of peanut butter, you won't even need a girlfriend!
rainbowdonnareed 18
tell her you were gonna get her a poodle see what she says then
RAndEM 9
well perhaps now you won't get a dog, and you got kicked out of your gf's house, and the relationship.
Saraishi 25
What? Just, what?
Marco_Vi 14
I heard once before that the right time to have a baby is when you think you should get a puppy. Maybe she isn't ready for a baby.
limabeans101029 21
Read the comments
bsums203 13
This needs a follow up.
nodai 13
Multiple people need to watch American Pie: Book of Love. You'll see why she was so blatantly horrified.
bughug1999 11
You should've said you thought of it cause dogs like peanut butter...