Today, I was babysitting my barely-pubescent cousins, and they started talking about giving blowjobs to their "boyfriends". When I got mad at them, telling them they shouldn't be thinking of that stuff, they said I was just pissed because I "haven't gotten laid." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was babysitting my four year-old cousin when she asked if I had a boyfriend. I said no, and she responded, “Oh. That makes sense.” I’ve been emotionally defeated by someone whose favorite word is “poop.” FML
Today, I threw a pillow at my 8 year-old cousin while play-fighting. She gave me a look, then muttered, "You don't have any girlfriends and the girls that talk to you probably have no taste." FML
Today, while I was babysitting my nephews, the 7 year old boy walked up to me and asked if I was a lesbian. I laughed it off. An argument ensued about my sexuality for a good two hours. I lost. FML
Today, the 8 year old that I babysit every week told me that it was sad that I didn't have a boyfriend while he has a girlfriend. I got burned by a 3rd grader. FML
Today, my nephew asked me how babies are made. I thought he'd had this chat with his mom, but I went in to it again. After a 20 minute 'discussion', he says "So what about the good stuff - get to the blowjobs and the lesbians." He's 11. FML
Today, I was telling my dad about how annoying it was to constantly have my ten-year-old cousin message me about her new boyfriend, when he suddenly bursts out laughing about how she can get a boyfriend at ten, and I have never even kissed a guy and I'm seventeen. FML
Today, I babysat a five year-old girl. She ran up to me, threw her arms around my waist and said, "YUMMY! I'm going to eat you!" with her face in my crotch. I said sarcastically under my breath, "Finally, some action!" I turned around to find her dad staring at me, having heard. He's my cousin. FML
Today, my brother babysat for me. He invited his girlfriend around without me knowing, and they were all playing hide and seek together. While he and his girl were hiding, they decided to have a quickie. My three year old found them and saw everything. She won't stop copying their sex noises. FML
Today, my brother said he was cleaning his room. When I walked in, he was giving my cousin a blowjob. FML
Today, I took my kids to visit their grandma. At one point while playing, my youngest said "Shit!", so I admonished her. My mom snorted and told me to "stop being such a little bitch", because it will make my kids into "lame prisses like their mother." FML
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Top comments
flashback.miss 28
where are the parents?
eddeeezzyy 19
Don't even trip, OP. Sex should be saved for that someone special. Unlike your cousins, who probably have STDs already.
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Comments (183)
khaoticpanda 28
Thats when you say 'Well yall still need a babysitter' id tell their parents
nitrog100 21
Well are you?
annalily5 28
All the people cursing "kids today" should remember people having sex at an early age is far from a new occurance. In Ancient Rome girls would be married at 14 and be excpected to start popping out babies at that age as well. And while it isn't the most healthy, their bodies are ready for it and sending ut signals to encourage it. Just because social norms have changed does not mean hormones will oblige. If anything, just the oppisite, as girl's bodies are maturing more quickly now. And this is all combined with rampent sexualization of women in every form of media, reaching into every place. Which means parents need to be extra good about explaining things to their kids if they wish them to follow their social norms and not what their peers are telling them.
QueenOrangeSoda 21
Wow. Your comment is so intelligent, tactful, and well-informed. Thank you for writing that.
annalily5 28
That didn't change the rate girls matured at. Also, the life expectancy was so low due to high infant and child mortality rates. If you survived childhood you could expect to live a long life. Baiscally, they weren't rounding the age of a bunch of people dying in their 20s to 40s, they were round many people under 10 dying with the rest dying mostly in their 60s-70s. Statistics don't always provide the most accurate look on something.
thelizarddd 7
that is just wow
sarahhanlen 11
Man I'm not having kids for at least 10 years, and this is how bad it is now.. Makes me scared to have children
Omniprism 15
Getting mad won't teach them about sex. You should have had a healthy conversation. It's obvious they already talk about stuff like that now it's time to teach them to be safe and smart and about the consequences.
cranbe09 9
How old are they?
GuyNoOneKnows 13
I'm so ashamed to be part of this generation...just imagine how bad the next ones will be!
sanecatlady 13
Whenever people say "children are the future", I get very, very frightened.
clue_me_in 20
I love how people are actually acting like a 12 year old child is ready to take on the emotional and physical consequences to having sex. The parents need to be informed now, before they either end up with a child having a child, or a child with an STD. Unbelievable.