Today, I was babysitting my barely-pubescent cousins, and they started talking about giving blowjobs to their "boyfriends". When I got mad at them, telling them they shouldn't be thinking of that stuff, they said I was just pissed because I "haven't gotten laid." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was babysitting my four year-old cousin when she asked if I had a boyfriend. I said no, and she responded, “Oh. That makes sense.” I’ve been emotionally defeated by someone whose favorite word is “poop.” FML
Today, I threw a pillow at my 8 year-old cousin while play-fighting. She gave me a look, then muttered, "You don't have any girlfriends and the girls that talk to you probably have no taste." FML
Today, while I was babysitting my nephews, the 7 year old boy walked up to me and asked if I was a lesbian. I laughed it off. An argument ensued about my sexuality for a good two hours. I lost. FML
Today, the 8 year old that I babysit every week told me that it was sad that I didn't have a boyfriend while he has a girlfriend. I got burned by a 3rd grader. FML
Today, my nephew asked me how babies are made. I thought he'd had this chat with his mom, but I went in to it again. After a 20 minute 'discussion', he says "So what about the good stuff - get to the blowjobs and the lesbians." He's 11. FML
Today, I was telling my dad about how annoying it was to constantly have my ten-year-old cousin message me about her new boyfriend, when he suddenly bursts out laughing about how she can get a boyfriend at ten, and I have never even kissed a guy and I'm seventeen. FML
Today, I babysat a five year-old girl. She ran up to me, threw her arms around my waist and said, "YUMMY! I'm going to eat you!" with her face in my crotch. I said sarcastically under my breath, "Finally, some action!" I turned around to find her dad staring at me, having heard. He's my cousin. FML
Today, my brother babysat for me. He invited his girlfriend around without me knowing, and they were all playing hide and seek together. While he and his girl were hiding, they decided to have a quickie. My three year old found them and saw everything. She won't stop copying their sex noises. FML
Today, my brother said he was cleaning his room. When I walked in, he was giving my cousin a blowjob. FML
Today, I took my kids to visit their grandma. At one point while playing, my youngest said "Shit!", so I admonished her. My mom snorted and told me to "stop being such a little bitch", because it will make my kids into "lame prisses like their mother." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
flashback.miss 28
where are the parents?
eddeeezzyy 19
Don't even trip, OP. Sex should be saved for that someone special. Unlike your cousins, who probably have STDs already.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (183)
cjb87 23
Getting mad at them for "thinking of that stuff" is a pretty pointless response. It doesn't tell them anything, and second, as long as sex exists, humans, especially young ones with hormones,will think about it. It's much better to have a conversation about why they feel they need to be doing that, and what doing things like that with someone should mean, like being in an equal partnership with someone you love who treats you right and who you can trust fully, because it's something that makes you very vulnerable to someone. So much more to say on that. I don't know how old you are, and I know they aren't your kids, but clearly that is a conversation someone needs to have with them.
RougeKiller 9
That is sad. Kids shouldn't be sexually active at all. Also, you shouldn't be ashamed if you're a virgin. Respect yourself.
cassiekinz 14
If they need a babysitter, they're NOT old enough to know what a ******* is, much less give one.
worldclassrager 41
Is it true? Seriously you are right though...
alex_gen 39
But they have too much swag.
lando2112 2
*****. ***** everywhere
amisenho 11
Seriously. The "boyfriends" these two girls are talking about giving head to aren't that much above **** status, either. I feel sorry for OP because the girls decided to hit below the belt (no pun intended) and say what they did to OP. Making fun of someone's sex life is just immature, and they basically proved OP's point.
lifeisasucker 2
How old are they
AmberStucky 2
well think about it...who says "you shouldn't be thinking of that stuff"? you deserved it, puritan.
Ziggy122 15
At that age, they probably think a ******* means literally blowing on a guy's penis.
mikewtexas 14
Blow jobs make the world a better place! No one ever got a great BJ and immediately went on a mass murder spree bc they are unhappy with society! If you have some pubic hair and are capable of having an ******, guess what??? Your old enough to start experimenting with your peers, who are about the same age. You don't need to teach sex ed or abstinence only. Save some money. Put a bowels of free condoms and lube in the school. Kids will figure sex out on their own through a little bit of awkward trail and error.