Today, I decided to put on some sexy lingerie and wait for my husband to come home to surprise him. He took one look at me and immediately accused me of cheating. He was convinced my explanation was a lie and that I'd rushed some guy out the back door when he came home. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by dressing up in sexy lingerie. When I went to answer the door he was standing there with a shocked expression, his friends parked in the driveway had the same expression as well. He came to break up with me. He told me after we had sex. FML
Today, I tried to surprise my husband by wearing something sexy to bed. He didn't say anything, just laughed and left the room for 10 minutes. The little confidence I had disappeared, so I changed, feeling stupid for thinking I could pull off sexy. He got mad at me for being confusing. FML
Today, I dressed cute to surprise my boyfriend of 2 years. Instead of being happy or impressed about it, he accused me of cheating and dressing up to impress a new guy he'd made up in his head. FML
Today, I left the house for a while and when I came back my husband was wearing my lacy lingerie. He looks better in it than I do. FML
Today, while heading to the bathroom, I saw my girlfriend putting some lingerie under my bed. I stupidly thought it was for some sexy time later. Well, later on, she dramatically "found" the lingerie and broke up with me. Almost everyone believes her story and thinks I'm a dirty cheater. FML
Today, I decided to go home and apologise to my husband for accusing him of having an affair. I came home to find him having sex with my mother. FML
Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of Doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the Doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML
Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML
Today, when I came home, my girlfriend was in sexy lingerie, and said it was a surprise for me. Sounds awesome, right? Too bad she was drenched in sweat and the room smelled like sex. I looked in the closet, only to get punched in the face by a naked guy. FML
Today, I tried to surprise my husband because our sex life is lacking. We have planned sex Tuesday night, every week, with the lights off. When he came home for lunch, I was naked and waiting for him. He took one look and said, "I forgot you looked like that. Meh, I'm going back to work." FML
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Top comments
Madness829 9
He should have trust in you. So FYL.
gracehi 33
Why would you want to have sex with your own husband? So weird. No wonder he was suspicious.
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Comments (87)
brendejafulable 41
Makes you want to stop trying huh
turdontoast 8
Looking at it from a psychology standpoint, most likely he is cheating.
rocker_chick23 27
OP, your husband is probably cheating on you. A common tactic for cheaters is to accuse their spouse of cheating.
sprints54 19
Maybe try to be more spontaneous more often???
Carnaxa 8
What kind of paranoid psyho did you marry
YouKnowIMeantMe_ 21
Next time, maybe with another husband, just get a leather office chair, sit, wait for him to come home and then just do the "I've been waiting for you." thing.
theogblaze 5
From experience, usually when someone accuses you of cheating that means they are cheating. It's happened to me. My friend. And a guy friend. Shitty thing to do. But it's the first sign.
hopemeza 7
it means he's cheating on you
TallMist 32
Why does everyone assume that if the man accuses the woman of cheating, it's really the guy that's cheating? Does no one realize that that is sexist?
Tashido 12
there has to be a reason he doesn't trust you. did you do something in the past? that, or he's cheating. cheaters ate often suspicious of their partners. guilty conscience and all.
menfearme 10
Insecurity much?? If you've never given him reason not to trust you, I'd be wondering why he's freaking out. Planning a special date for him shouldn't cause that kind of reaction unless... Is he cheating on you?