Today, I went out for dinner with my long-term crush, who turned out to be a huge dog person. He asked me which dog breed I like the most. In an attempt to reply with both Labrador and Doberman, I accidentally said Dumbledore. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while walking my dog at the park, I spotted my crush and said "Hi!" By not paying attention where I was going, I tripped and fell down. My dog started humping me. FML
Today, I met a really nice guy. He was funny, handsome, and we were both into each other. He told me his name, and when I replied with mine, it came out sounding like, "I'm a bear." FML
Today, I ran into my crush of three years ago. We used to always walk our dogs together. He still remembered my dog's name. He didn't remember mine. FML
Today, I asked my crush what music he was into, misheard his answer because of background noise, so I spent 5 minutes enthusiastically talking about a band he'd never heard of, thinking we were bonding. When he finally stopped me and clarified, I laughed too loudly out of shame, then knocked over my drink. FML
Today, I finally had a date, my first one in well over a year. Everything was going good, until my date asked, "Do you like cats or dogs better?" When I responded cats, my date promptly got up and left, saying, "This isn't meant to be." FML
Today, I found out the guy I've been crushing on for many years thinks he's a werewolf. FML
Today, I was walking my big, fat, fluffy old dog when I saw my crush. I waved enthusiastically, but my dog chose that moment to squat down and unleash a string of poop. My crush looked horrified as I tried to scoop it up while still waving. FML
Today, I was spelling T-R-E-A-T to my fiancé so that the dog wouldn't understand what I was talking about. Turns out, neither could my fiancé. FML
Today, I was out walking my dog. A cute woman said, "Nice dog!" Without thinking, I replied, "You too!" FML
Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone. After a short pause I hear him say "I love you." Smiling I say, "I love you too." Then he says, "I was talking to my dog." FML
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Top comments
ICastillo 25
Oh yeah that breed of dog is awesome, very loyal, but they have a bad habit of humping things.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
I thought the Dumbledore was a breed of goat, with the really long beard and all... The canine version of this would be pretty awesome.
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Comments (163)
wagne057 6
So long as you don't like the Voldemort or Umbridge breeds.
chriswright1888 10
Dumbledore is the breed of my zebra!
mistercrow 9
Thought that was a foot fungus
billyz77 24
I used to be married to a Dumbledore. When we met, she was Susan Dumbledore. But we grew apart and she divorced me and ran off with her gynecologist.
cartooncharacter 9
Suppose that's got to be hilarious, because of his gynecology work, he probably pleases her more than you ever could. FYL.
gracehi 33
Low blow, dude. Where's the ref on this one?
thatonename 7
The refs are calling for an immediate eviction from the game on account of the possibly meanest comment I've ever seen on this sight.
billyz77 24
While I very much appreciate the support from #100 and #108 after the unprovoked attack by #79, I gotta admit, he's probably right. Or, more likely, since the gynecologist looks at hundreds of vaginas every day, he's probably not too thrilled about having to come home and see the exact same thing.
yourmurderscenex 13
wow, 79 you are a complete jackass.
EsotericBrent 29
119 I'm surprised he's not sick of them already and then she'll pry leave him to. Marriage is overrated anyways, good time to get trim and hit up the divorced women lookin' for love.
Faff 20
i doubt any straight man would get sick of vaginas
mmaflake 19
The problem there is gynos usually see more sick vaginas than healthy. Big nasty stinky cheesy ones.
sugarshane007 20
That was a real wizard of a choice, perhaps it'll imbue your relationship with magic.
gutoputo 4
At least you brought some magic into the date, right? Right? ... Sorry for that, guys. Well, If he dumps you for THAT, you won't be missing much.
lilhellian 27
Don't let the nargle get him.. Nasty lil bugger they are...
perdix 31
I've never seen a "huge dog-person." What did he look like? Did he have a wet nose and floppy ears? Or a tail? Could he lick his own balls? I guess not, because if he could, why would he go out on a date?
lilhellian 27
If he could lick his own balls why would he need anyone else?
perdix 31
#24, did you read my entire comment? I didn't realize I was going into "tl;dr" territory.
lilhellian 27
I honestly thought I read the whole thing.. :/ Sorry
perdix 31
K #40, I was going to write "OK," but I was afraid you might drift off after the O. Hahahahahaha :D
lilhellian 27
Sorry I drifted off after the "K" :D
stargirl_95 24
Introducing...the Dumbledore! The breed of dog for the muggle who wants to add a little magic to his life
Ukeee_X 19
I don't really think this is an FML moment. It's funny, and I'm sure he laughed. If he didn't... Why not?
DocBastard 40
I'd say you performed an Avada Kedavra on that relationship.
HowieDoIt 21
I wouldn't expecto a second date
hannaaaahr 33
Thats a Grim way of looking at it.
GracesDelirium 9
I'll bet you turned that date Fawkes-ward.
bluejayscheer 7
Siriusly guys enough with the puns..