Today, I went to a store to buy some noodles, but they were out, so I left empty handed. When I left, the store the alarm went off so I was called back in, and they searched my bag. They didn't find any stolen goods. They did find a dead mouse my cat must have left for me, though. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was cleaning my room when I found a nice surprise from my cat. While I was on vacation, she killed a mouse. By the time I found it, there were maggots crawling in my carpet. FML
Today, I lost my wallet while out shopping. Panicked, I retraced my steps and found it at a store, turned in by an employee. Grateful, I opened it to find a note that read, "We left the money but took one dollar for karma." I checked. They did actually take one dollar. FML
Today, I made my way to bed around 4am after spending all night hanging out with my family. When I got to my bed, I started to clear a spot to lay down. Almost immediately, my hand touched something furry and cold and, fearing the worst, I turned the light on. Turns out my cat left me a half eaten rodent. FML
Today, feeling too lazy to cook dinner, I bought a bagged salad from a low-end store. I dumped the contents into a bowl; the first thing that fell out was a dead mouse. Bon appetit. FML
Today, while spring cleaning, my cat came into the kitchen with a live mouse in her mouth. She looked me dead in the eyes and dropped the mouse, which then ran into my bedroom. It's been 4 hours and I still can't find it. Where's the cat? Chilling like nothing happened. FML
Today, I accidentally left the store with a bag full of groceries without paying. I realized this halfway to my car when an employee chased me down, thinking I was a thief. Turns out, I had spaced out and walked out during a fire alarm drill. FML
Today, I found a mouse stuck in a glue trap at work. I had to take it home to get it off with oil, and then I released it outside. Twenty minutes later, the cat returned it to me, dead. After that, the dogs dug it up where I buried it. Sorry, mouse. FML
Today, I tore through my apartment looking for my wallet. I was late for work, sweating, panicking, and blaming the cat. After 45 minutes, I found it. In the fridge. Next to the cheese. No explanation. FML
Today, I found out that the mysterious smell from under my bed was my cats collection of dead mice. FML
Today, my cat came through my window, holding a dead rat in her mouth and dropped it in my pile of clothes. I then asked my dad if he could get the dead rat out of my room. After looking for an hour, he couldn't find it. Guess the rat wasn't dead after all. FML
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Top comments
Tripartita 45
Note to self: stuff stolen items in dead animal to sneak past security. "Oh man, did my cat leave me ANOTHER distinctly iPhone shaped mouse?!"
INDYSTRUCTABLE 43
oh man, it's time to get a purse you can zip close!
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Comments (35)
Royness 8
I think they mean "They were out". I am surprised this typo was missed. It took me a moment to reread it. At first I thought OP meant "Hey, we're out" or something. Annoying.
UpUpUpUrs 6
Blame it on guy who bought all the noodles and 2 liters of soda
ulissey_fml 22
And did they take the Mickey out of you ?
Nicole_S_ 13
My question is why did the mouse set off the alarm?
dharmaint 15
But what caused the alarm
toristewart 4
noodles qere probably out because of the guy who bought a week's worth of ramen two posts above you ?
HeyPeople13 16
Maybe they were out of noodles because the husband of that wife that just posted an fml about her husband buying a ton a noodles and soda from the store bought all of them
cootiequeen4444 11
at least the mouse was no longer still alive when they searched your bag. Sometimes cats fail to complete the kill. bringing a live mouse into the grocery store would probably be considered worse than (minor) shoplifting...
JothamHousden 17
The username makes this one...
rockydify 22
I think I know why they were out of noodles...