Today, I heard my next door neighbour screaming as if someone was trying to slice her throat. Her window was open. Intrigued, I went onto my balcony and asked if everything was okay, and if she needed anything. She and her boyfriend shouted back in unison: "We're fucking! Go away!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, there was a knock on my apartment door. It was the man from next-door, who sarcastically asked if I was alright, because he said he heard me screaming in agony. I was singing. FML
Today, I heard screaming coming from my neighbor's house. Since her husband has a history of abusing her, I called the cops. After they left with him in custody, she called to yell at me because they were "working things out" after "having a few drinks". FML
Today, I was having some intense sex with my boyfriend. I was wailing so loud that my neighbors decided to call the police on us. According to them, it sounded like I was "being tortured to death". FML
Today, I heard my downstairs neighbor being beaten by her husband. I anonymously called 911, hoping to help. She must've seen me giving the cops my statement because as soon as they left, she knocked on my door and punched me square in the face while screaming, "Mind your own business bitch!" FML
Today, I heard my neighbors having a violent argument in their front yard. I listened in, and soon found out why the wife wasn't happy with her husband. Apparently, she had caught her husband peeking through my windows for the second time this month. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I heard my parents going at it upstairs. He said, "sounds like they're having more fun than we did." To make it worse, he crept to their door and put his ear to it, telling me what he heard. FML
Today, my new upstairs neighbors moved in. Within ten minutes of getting in the door they were screaming and arguing about everything, practically handing out death threats to each other. I then heard them having even louder makeup sex for about three hours afterwards. FML
Today, my neighbor yelled “Fuck you!” at me through his window. My crime? Closing my front door “too loud.” This man lets his children beat on the walls and slam doors but apparently I’m the problem. FML
Today, I was singing in the shower, not realising the window was open. When I got out, the neighbours were at the front door, loudly arguing with my mother. They were complaining about my awful singing. FML
Today, I drove home from work, only to find both my next-door neighbours loudly arguing in the middle of my driveway. I got out and asked them what the hell was going on, only to find out one of their inbred kids had put a brick through my back window, and each is claiming the other did it. FML
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Top comments
Yunie_fml 0
"You're *******? ******* annoying more like. You sound like an American Idol reject being forced to have their vocal cords cut."
PhysOptGuy 0
At that point, you shouldve broken into her house and taken a few nice things. "No, I didn't see who broke into your home twenty minutes ago! I had 'gone away' just as you so politely suggested!"
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Comments (36)
AnnaSeptic 0
Hahaha that's really hilarious.
DeafChef 0
agreed number 5
crazy206 0
LOL
pulpfiction_fml 3
Then you should have said "are you sure you don't need help?"
i_will_eat_you 0
#16 Dude you ******* made my day lol.
jroxursox1 10
Threesome!!
Seven47 0
LOLLLLLLLLLL nice
terror_twins 0
hahahahaha
i_wuz_nver_here 31
this isn't really a fml but really funny, did she quiet down afterwards...? ;)
katiebethss 0
shouldve called the cops for a noise disturbence
HappyItalian 38
LOL # 16
noahmcdonald17 0
tell them. I don't think it'd be awkward as you think. slip a note under their door.