Today, I finally started doing cardio and getting in shape. What motivated me to do it? Watching a zombie movie. The slow ones bite the dust first. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, we had a sprint race in gym class that I wasn't looking forward to because I'm a little chubby. The race started and I shot off as fast as I could, somehow in the lead. Everyone was cheering. When I was nearing the finish line I turned around, only to see the race hadn't started yet. FML
Today, my extremely in-shape boyfriend told me he hasn't had a chance to work out lately. I jokingly poked him in the belly saying he's getting chunky and winked. He burst into tears. FML
Today, I finally started my job as an in-home caregiver. The man I was hired to care for died two hours after I made it to his house. FML
Today, I was watching a movie on TV. One of the characters has the same name as my dog, and when his name was called, my dog got so excited that he jumped face-first into my TV. FML
Today, I was together with a few of my friends when I got up the courage to confess I have an eating disorder. One of my friends then said "... but you're not skinny." FML
Today, I chipped my tooth on a beer bottle. While I was drinking alone in my basement. FML
Today, my music students began a lively debate about whether or not a music stand would make a good weapon for the zombie apocalypse. What am I teaching them? FML
Today, I had been sick all day, so to cheer me up my dad drove me to get ice cream. On our way back, we hit a puppy. FML
Today, after an extensive talk with a relationship counselor, we concluded that I'm more likely to get run over by a car than be in a stable relationship. FML
Today, while going on a jog through the countryside, I discovered that it is actually possible outside of crappy TV shows to have a rifle leveled at you, and to be shouted at to, "Get off my land." FML
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Top comments
Laterial 3
Gotta love Zombieland!
frutoish 0
That's what got me going. Gotta survive the zombie apocalypse.
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Comments (343)
Bobby64 29
As long as you have someone around you can trip, you'll be fine. Don't worry, OP.
gkkralik 0
Zombieland!!!!
asia3pea90 13
...You must've watched the epic movie Zombieland.
BRI93 0
Don't ride in a car with a man that has an obsession with Twinkies!! haha love tht movie! XD
Athga 0
Wrong. It's the fat ones that go first.
shades1989 6
zombieland
charlenac 0
You pappy little spit ****.
jessie123246 2
Zombieland! The fatties go first... Lol. But i think zombies are a reasonable explanation to get fit :)
sarahsrainbow 4
zombieland! love that movie!!!
MrWhiteGluz 1
u watched zombieland didnt you lol