Today, I was talking to my mother about my sex life, telling her, "If I want to have sex, I'm going to have sex." She looked at me for a moment and said, "You're staying a virgin until you get married." She wasn't ordering me, she was informing me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I told my mom I broke up with my boyfriend because he wanted to have sex and I wasn't ready. Her reply? "Well, you can't stay a virgin forever." FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today my mother, who was once shocked to realise that my older sister was having unmarried sex, told me to go and 'get some' because it's good for my health. I'm asexual. FML
Today, my mother, who thinks I'm a virgin, called me while I was having sex with my boyfriend. I have to answer every time she calls or she freaks out. I ended the conversation quickly and hung up. Or so I thought. She listened in to the rest of our 20-minute lovemaking session, and I have some explaining to do. FML
Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very Christian family, I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "Is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" FML
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
Today, my teenage daughter asked me how old I was when I lost my virginity. I sarcastically replied that I'm still a virgin. She looked at me blankly and said, "Jeez, no wonder you're so uptight. You need to get laid, mom." FML
Today, my mum was watching a program about sexually transmitted diseases. Later on, she started telling me that I should be careful and use the right protection when having sex. Suddenly she stopped and said, "Actually, I don’t know why I’m telling you this, you don’t have a boyfriend!" FML
Today, I told my mother that I'm pregnant. She went off screaming at me about how I shouldn't be having sex. I am 25 and have been happily married for 3 years. FML
Today, I had to listen to my mom give a detailed description of her date last night to her friends via speakerphone... while I was trapped in the car with her. When I pointed out that I was still in the back seat, she scoffed and told me, "I have a sex life, deal with it." FML
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Top comments
Tippssy 0
Mom burns are the best.
fxdxhk90 0
It wouldn't be too hard to prove her wrong.
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Comments (60)
fucklifeee 0
Nobody gets that the mom wasn't saying, "I'm not letting you," she was saying, "you can't get any even if you tried."
MissxKim 0
fast a*s sl*tt
DarthJeff 0
On the next episode of 16 and pregnant..
aaaaa12345_fml 0
huh?
lastminuteperm 0
I get how this is an FML. Her mom is saying that she's not gonna' get any until shes married anyway.
may_cause_fail 0
Holy shit I love that show. And if we ever see an episode about a man getting pregnant, we'll know that it was the OP~ :D
fml27 0
so what...
cmac86 24
same here bro. it's the right thing to do, anyway.
cmac86 24
I'm a virgin and I'm in the exact same boat. I just don't talk to my mom about my sex life (or lack thereof). it's gross.
mr_rice 0
she thinks ur that ugly or something
jnic 0
Er. I don't get it. Why would she be informing you? Your mom makes no sense, why would she think you can get married if she thinks you can't even get laid?
XXnidocivXX 0
haha OMG that's so funny.. i feel bad for you though.. but she's just letting you down so you dont do it