Today, I decided to be friendly and say hi to the weird kid at school, who was sitting by himself eating lunch. After I said hello, he stared up at me intensely and said, "I don't have many friends. Yeah. Mainly 'cause I've eaten most of them." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was together with a few of my friends when I got up the courage to confess I have an eating disorder. One of my friends then said "... but you're not skinny." FML
Today, a kid from my school called me, saying he's going on vacation to Japan soon and that since I was born there, I could teach him the language. His exact words at the start of the call were, "Hey man, you speak Asian, right?" I have to be around this shithead 5 days a week. FML
Today, a girl in my class introduced herself to me for the fourth time this semester. Am I really that invisible? FML
Today, I started a new school, after moving from England to New York. People only talked to me just to hear my accent. FML
Today, a colleague found out that I struggled with anorexia when young. After ranting about how it's a silly 'Women's disease', he renamed me 'Miss Piggy' and made oinking noises every time I ate something. FML
Today, a man next to me was feeding the birds when he ran out of food. We were at Adventure Island and there were "Do not feed the birds" signs everywhere. The birds then became aggressive and started savaging the both of us. FML
Today, our school started an anti-bullying policy, and we watched a video about bullying. After the video, I told a teacher about a bullying case going on that I know about. His response? "Tell someone who cares!" as he walked away, chuckling. FML
Today, I got on the bus to go to work. I managed to get a seat, but an old lady who looked tired had to stand. I offered her my seat, but she glared at me, frowned and said, "Go fuck yourself." Everyone laughed as I sat there in dismay. FML
Today, I was in the bathroom stall when a man made eye-contact with me through the crack in the door. I quickly looked away, but about a minute later I looked back to see if he was gone. He was still there and was actually trying to keep making eye-contact with me while I pooped. FML
Today, as I waited to fly home, a very attractive woman smiled and gestured towards the seat next to me. However, a hyperactive child and his mother barged past into said empty seats. The woman really hit it off with the guy behind, while I was stuck listening to a kid scream at Angry Birds. FML
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Top comments
emirie 21
That's the type of friend I'd want.
DocBastard 40
The weird kids always grow up to be CEOs or chairmen. Or axe murderers.
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Comments (91)
slooby_fml 25
Aww, he's already comfortable enough to joke around with you! I hope...
TyT63 12
atleast we know why he has no friends now
eriksen 16
HAHAHA OMG, I've always wanted to do something random like that! And by the way, that guy is hilarious! If it was a joke, I mean...
IndieParadise 4
Walk away, OP. Walk away really slowly.
NandaPanda 22
Walk away slowly??? From a possible cannibal? No, just no. Run, OP! And hope he was joking!
pikachulove14 14
that's what I would say.
akiahara 14
Look on the bright side. He might've just crossed you off his list of people to kill.
jnanderson 16
How is this bad? YDI for judging his life decisions
ifavela89 13
At that point you should of said sorry was talking to the guy behind you
LowExpectations 30
Sounds like my kind of guy! Just don't spill soup on your self like in that episode of Seinfeld where Kramer accidentally baked himself in a pizza oven.
Enslaved 38
Hmmm silly me-- I would think that he would have more friends if he "ate" them more often.