Today, my mother had to take a stool sample because she has been ill for several days. Curious, I eventually had to ask, "How did you intercept the poo before it got submerged in water?" She yelled from the other room, "You know that little plate with the red stripe?" I was eating off it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mother told me she needed a urine sample to send in to the doctors to test for any allergies. I did what she had asked and went to my room. I came down stairs later and found her in the bathroom putting my pee on a pregnancy test stick. FML
Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML
Today, my mom was acting really pissy, and I couldn't help but mutter that she must be on her period. Five hours later, I'm glued to the toilet with my phone, because she went all out for revenge and spiked my dinner with some hellishly potent kind of laxative. FML
Today, after having horrific constipation the day before, I finally got the rock hard turd out of my system. Things got awkward as I cried out in pain and my mom asked me what was wrong. Realizing the dining room and kitchen was nearby, I said "Never mind, it's gross!" I think she figured it out anyways. FML
Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for something to drink. I found a jug of lemonade with a piece of paper on it saying "Mom's Lemonade, Don't Drink!" I was really thirsty, so I ignored it and drank the whole jug. My mom is about to have a colonoscopy and had filled it with laxatives. FML
Today, I took a crap. When I stood up to admire my handiwork and flush, I noticed blood-red everywhere in the toilet. I freaked out like a little girl, thinking I was bleeding out of my ass. Then I noticed the ketchup packets my roommate had slipped under the seat to prank me. FML
Today, I went shopping with my mother. I needed to use the toilet, so entered a restaurant. After I left the toilet, my mother, who was near the restaurant's entrance, called out and asked, "Did you flush it?" Everyone heard her. And I'm 22 years old. FML
Today, while showering, I pulled on my white exfoliating gloves ready to wash my face. As I was about to use them, a dark stain caught my eye so I sniffed the mark, only to discover it was poop. After further investigation, I found out my younger sister had been wearing them and "experimenting". FML
Today, my mother made me see the doctor to see if I had irritable bowel syndrome, on the account of how often I go to the restroom. I then had to admit I only go in there to get away from my family. My doctor thought it was hilarious. My mom didn't. FML
Today, my son was eating a plum. I was busy in the kitchen, and he came running in saying "Mummy my plum is wet", I told him it was fine and bit a bit off to prove it. He looked at me and said "No Mummy! Can you wash it please, I dropped it in my potty". I feel ill. FML
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Top comments
commonsense 0
so how did the beef taco taste?
fingersforteeth 0
did someone order the poo poo platter? ha
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Comments (82)
MonkeySpeaks 4
and yes i know what im talking about - doctors and hospitals wont take samples (blood, stool, pee) if they aren't collected and transported correctly. Its a waste of their time and money to run it through tests if its contaminated.
sage101 0
omg where did u find that plate!
Thirdstrike 0
Fake
greedy_dead_soul 0
Nah, untrue. As #33/#34 said, that would've contaminated the sample. Also, she wouldn't have naturally described the plate in that much detail. I would've just said, "I used a plate."
greedy_dead_soul 0
[dupe]
superkid 0
did you enjoy it? haha.
13BlackCat 2
no matter how many times you wash it... it is forever tainted... poor plate
rammjet 0
Your mom is disgusting.
Intrigue 3
I'm sorry. This reminds me of something that happened to me. My mom has such an issue with the fact that I lock the bathroom door when I shower (she doesn't but I always wait until she's done to go in). I figured that that's what knocking is for, as I'm not too keen on her seeing me naked because she tends to make comments. One day, I took a shower as normal and came out into the dining room to see a glass filled with yellow liquid. Getting a little closer confirmed that it was indeed urine and I had to struggle to keep my lunch down. Instead of knocking and telling me she had to pee (to which I would've opened the door), she decided she would rather piss in my favorite drinking glass. I know this is just a reply but yeah...FML anyway.
mootboot 0
I just like that you used the word "intercept". Hah...