Today, my boyfriend's transition into an annoying hipster is complete. It started with the not-really-necessary nerd glasses and the Mötley Crüe t-shirt, the final straw being the affected British accent. I'm considering where to dump the body. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend threatened to leave me if I didn't follow her latest fad of becoming a goth, which involves dressing like an undertaker's haunted hearse and putting on eyeliner. Last week she was into Reggae and beanie hats. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got into an argument; however, his new-found passion for hardcore rapping meant that he tried to "diss" me using bad rhymes and ill thought-out putdowns. It was ridiculous, and didn't really make any sense, so I started giggling. He stormed off, grumbling. FML
Today, after weeks of my yelling, my boyfriend finally listened and got a hobby. Instead of getting into something sensible like martial arts, he chose tabletop gaming. Now I have to listen to hours of boring stories about pretend fantasy worlds, and admit to everyone that my boyfriend is a nerd. FML
Today, my boyfriend drunkenly decided to let his friends cut his hair into a mullet. He won't change it. I'm supposed to introduce him to my family. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend his shirt and pants did not match and that he should change for dinner. All my belongings are now on the sidewalk. FML
Today, and since we met, my girlfriend has forced me to change my hair, clothing and jewellery, and my diet. She has changed basically everything about me. Then this morning she dumped me because I'm "not the guy she fell in love with a year ago". I'm not even upset because its too funny. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's family. He calls his parents things like “geriatric hag” and “old clown”. I was about to yell at him, but they started calling him “nancy boy” and “nerd”. Apparently they love each other, but only communicate through abuse. I can’t believe I may soon marry into this mess. FML
Today, I showed my fiancé the darling Tinkerbell hoodie I'd bought myself during the weekend. Instead of liking it as I'd hoped, he told me my childish wardrobe was embarrassing, and he wasn't going to be seen in public with me until I wore something different. FML
Today, I had to have a serious talk with my boyfriend about his Miley Cyrus obsession. FML
Today, I got dumped by my boyfriend because he is tired of everyone giving him shit about my ginger hair. FML
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Top comments
dtbomb 3
I would say do it at that one river but you've probably never heard of it.
kikimonole 13
Oh dear. Another dumbass moron has been created! By that I mean your boyfriend. Ask SIRI! Seriously she (it?) gives you suggestions on where to hide a body.
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Comments (215)
fmlswag 11
tbh a lot of people from BC now are turning into hipsters, just head downtown and look around! But yeah your bf had definitely changed a lot...
chippa 24
Downtown BC? BC is a province, not a city.
fmlswag 11
Sorry I meant downtown Vancouver*
jwbfml 11
If you don't dump the whole body, at least dump his ass.
mrmrmrman 6
Drown him in the mainstream!
kansah 25
If he were my boyfriend he would have been gone as soon as the glasses came out.
HaraAishi 8
What's wrong with Motley Crue? Fill a bathtub with sulfuric acid and dissolve the body. Put it in little containers and dispose of it in different locations.
dvi 1
**hydrochloric and plastic container otherwise you might have a problem
HaraAishi 8
I was making an Archer reference but apparently nobody watches that show.
HaraAishi 8
Sulfuric acid can be used but it won't break it down completely so that's where the containers come from. It breaks it down enough to put into the packages because it won't attack the bones.
skyeyez9 25
When I was in japan last summer, the non prescription nerd glasses were popular for some reason.
skyeyez9 25
Do british people think american accents sound weird? Always wondered if they think we sound funny.
skyeyez9 25
Here in the US, you can generally tell where someone is from cause there are different american accents: southern (even different southern ones. People from louisiana sound different from people in Florida). NY accent, midwest...etc Do brits have different accents depending on where in Britain they live? To me it all sounds the same, but I am not around it enough to tell the difference.
owlfeatures 8
Yeah there are quite a few (jordy, south, north, welsh,...) but generally people that don't speak English as a first language don't pick them up, or just people that don't speak to British people very often. It's like us with American accent, we can pick up little differences but I couldn't tell you where the person is from. I say 'we' but I don't know about the rest of the British population :) I don't think that the American accent sounds funny, just different, like any other accent :>
noisebox 1
No future there with a brain dead zombie
noisebox 1
And ps: you can dump the body in the 'retard' bin.....
jem970 19
OP if you really want to know how to effectively dispose of a body read the Bitten series by Kelly Armstrong. That is where I have learned of how to dispose of a body and then watch NCIS so you can leave no trace. This will help you!
skyeyez9 25
It would be harder than it looks. Dragging a 180-200lb body to location A (wrap, cut up or whatever to prepare for disposal) then massive cleanup in location A if cutting was involved or if the murder was violent. Drag body to location B (vehicle) and removing 180 + pounds of deadweight for disposal. That is alot of calories burned.
jem970 19
It's a great workout! I lost 10 pounds on the dispose-a-corpse workout. It only costs you the rest of your life! :D
Valiumknights44 12
Last time i checked Mötley Crüe was not a staple band for hipsters. They are a metal staple band. Besides hipsters enjoy more obscure band tees from band that you probably have never heard of. Your boyfriend isn't a hipster, he's simply a pretentious idiot!