Today, I had severe constipation. I went to get some more laxatives when I felt something fall onto the top of my head. I reached up to see what it was and it turned out to be quite a large spider. Guess who isn't constipated anymore. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I saw a big, black spider on the floor of my bathroom. I promptly jumped up on the toilet seat, slipped off, and slammed my head against the wall. The best part? It was a tuft of my hair. FML
Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML
Today, I was taking a shower when I noticed the huge spider above my head. Now, being the smart person I am, I sprayed the water up at it, causing it to fall. Right on my face. FML
Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML
Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML
Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML
Today, while taking a shower, a spider fell from the ceiling onto my foot. I took down my shower head to wash it down the drain, and in the process, got soap in my eye and rammed my head into the wall. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom to pee. I looked at the toilet paper after I wiped and saw a spider on it. It was still wiggling its legs. FML
Today, with water in my eyes, I stepped out of the shower and rubbed my face with a towel. When I looked in the mirror, I realized there had been a giant spider on the towel. Its guts and legs were smeared all over my face. FML
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Top comments
marcelmg 10
Next time dont go for the pills, just find you a hairy spider.
gamermonster 34
Whatever works...
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Comments (41)
wow2mylife 25
if you were in the store that spider saved you money but if it was in your cabinet it saved you pain
SavageSmith 9
Ig you can say it scared the shit out of you
SamanthaB243 22
Hey, at least now you're not constipated!
nodai 13
What really happened: It was an incredibly venomous tarantula that dropped and bit you, as your body shuttered dying, the excrement evacuated your bowls along with your soul from your brain. You're now a ghost, trapped somewhere between the internet and the beyond until your phone dies, as it's the only thing tethering you to this plane.
alainopotato 20
OP has now entered... The twilight zone
thisguy22 33
Results are results!
ThatCreativeType 5
Ahh Nature's solution :P
berkeleyjake 13
that's called alternative medicine
NeneJPhilly 8
I feel so bad for you.
stressedartist 14
Well hey, free laxatives
chessdude 8
That's quite a shitty situation
chewsef 17
You beat me to it, classic !