Today, I met my recently divorced mother's new boyfriend. He is missing teeth and has long hair and a mangy beard. Horrified, I left the room, only to hear my mother telling my sister, "The sex is phenomenal!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom decided to tell me about her new boyfriend. I know him. I've slept with him. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's notoriously difficult mother. I had been looking forward to meeting her and making a good impression. Unfortunately, I could not greet her as her son's penis was still in my mouth. FML
Today, my boyfriend met my mom and started acting strange. Then my dad came in and was instantly furious. Apparently, my boyfriend is the guy my mom cheated with that caused my parent's divorce. He’s 3 years younger than I am. Gross mom, just gross. Also I’m single again, damn it. FML
Today, my mother met my boyfriend. She thought it would be appropriate to tell him that he looks just like my ex-husband. FML
Today, I found my boyfriend making out with my mom. FML
Today, I nervously introduced my mother to my new boyfriend. I had to sit and watch her flirt with him for an hour. When I took her in the other room and confronted her about it, she said, "Don't you dare ruin this for me!" FML
Today, my parents met my boyfriend, and to say it went badly is an understatement. My mom went outside to relax by chain smoking and the shouting, and the screaming only ended when my dad took my boyfriend by the scruff of the neck and threw him out the front door into the street. FML
Today, one of my mum's dinner guests walked in on me and my boyfriend kissing, only to let out a horrified scream. Apparently, my mum had introduced my boyfriend as her son, as she's embarrassed of my real brother. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I thought everything went well, until I got a text from him later saying, "Come on mom, she isn't THAT bad." FML
Today, I met my new girlfriend's teenage son for the first time. His first words were, "So you're the guy who has been banging my mom." The rest of the evening he kept asking what we have done and if his mom was good at it. She thought it was awfully funny to hear me tell her son how she was in bed. FML
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Top comments
Quest_ 13
Missing teeth = *********** from heaven.
doink 0
That's not a creepy thing to say to a stranger. Not creepy at all...
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Comments (67)
lickmyjock 0
looks like you do too.
FFML_314 12
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
OP, I have this sudden urge to tell you to shut up and grow up. Instead of being a selfish brat that's "embarrassed" by your mothers choice in men, try being happy that she doesn't have to spend her time alone. Divorce is not easy and you don't get to decide who she falls in love with. Unless the guy is a murder/rapist/pedophile/arsonist or any other type of criminal, shut up.
SamJerkinGirkins 0
Agreed on many levels. =]
XZero_fml 0
maybe she just wants sex? who the hell gets back into a committed relationship when you're newly divorced? OP needs to calm down.
FFML_314 12
Divorce is a long process. The OPs mother was most likely seperated from her husband for a long time. There's really no telling whether or not it was just about sex. Like I said, the mother deserves to be happy and OP is a whiny brat.
twinmum_fml 6
WIN totally agree, op needs to grow up
blueeyes24 0
agreed... she's happy and so long as he is a nice person, who cares. grow up it's not about you
Brittney_E 0
my moms been divorced 9 times. ._.
devyn0426 3
damn; no need to give her a lecture. she just doesn't like the look of the guy. it's not that big of a deal.
CoGhostRider 31
Besides us ugly guys can really lay it down ;)
senordonkeydildo 22
Murderer*
bluebell707 13
LALALALA~
B4SK3TB4IL 0
hill naw
SOTYsNumber1Fan 0
Worst beak I have ever heard ^^^
lickmyjock 0
lol @ 4
Quest_ 13
Missing teeth = *********** from heaven.
crystalponds 11
Omfg WIN!!!!!
c12azy13ananas 0
You have beautiful blue eyes #11. And although I have all of my teeth, I'd looooove to perform *********** on you :)
doink 0
That's not a creepy thing to say to a stranger. Not creepy at all...
AmericanBadAss 21
You're right about that. And it goes both ways. The "No Denture Adventure" just feels so much better.
skid1996 0
you actually do look like a dipshit us tool
Poepiepiesie 3
Meh get over it.
Chipi427 0
You're just jealous your mom has a boyfriend and all you have is a tub of chocolate Ice Cream, sweats and Netflix on a Friday night.
misfitSuperStar 0
Try to ignore it, op. Gives a whole new meaning to 'blinded by love'!! FYL hard!!