Today, I took my daughter to the grocery store. The bag boy seemed to be flirting with me and smiling. He had to be half my age. Once in the car I glimpsed myself in the rear view mirror. I had chocolate completely covering one of my front teeth. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I ate a chocolate bar before getting my morning coffee. While waiting for it, a good looking guy started talking to me, then suddenly lost interest. Afterwards, I saw the chocolate on my face in my car mirror. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store. I saw a very cute guy in the aisle and smiled. He smiled back and blushed a little. He walked over and I flirted with him. He said, "I thought you should know the zipper on your jeans is down" and walked away. It was. FML
Today, this really cute guy at work kept flirting with me and cracking the funniest jokes. Before he left, he told me how much he enjoyed making me smile. An hour later, I saw my reflection in a mirror, I had a huge piece of food stuck in my teeth. FML
Today, I was grocery shopping, feeling good about myself, until when I was waiting in line at the checkout, a small kid in his mother's arms in front turned to look straight at me and said, "Ewwwww." FML
Today, I was at the mall with some friends. In the food court we passed by this creepy pervert feeling up a woman. I take a closer look and realize with horror that the guy is my dad in sunglasses and a hat. The lady he was with was not my mom. FML
Today, I was with my dad at the supermarket and this guy was checking me out. My dad yells at him with a grin, "I know! I make beautiful babies!" FML
Today, I, a forty year-old man, went to the store with my teenage daughter and infant son. I got some very dirty looks. FML
Today, I went to the store to buy some groceries. While I was at the store, an employee came up to me and said, "You're beautiful!" When I came home I told my husband what had just happened. My husband then asked, "What was wrong with him?" FML
Today, I was at the store with my father. As we were leaving, he grabbed a baguette, put it by his crotch, and took a picture with his phone. I'm starting to feel like the parent here. FML
Today, I locked eyes with a cute barista and tried to flirt by giving a charming smile. I forgot I had just taken a sip of hot chocolate, so I ended up drooling a long stream of chocolate down my chin. FML
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Top comments
darkmis1 18
Why did you mention that you had your daughter with you? What does that have to do with it?
MoldinRooster 0
Wouldn't You Taste It?
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Comments (48)
sweetkitty26 0
wait.. what was the point of mentioning your daughter then?
Mango33 0
"half my age"? exactly HOW old are you?
stlphil 0
The math is so easy. If he was 15 she would have been 30. 16, 32. 17, 34. I'm 37 and my wife is 53. Being in a relationship with someone older isn't a big deal.
killerKs 3
^ ew..
hockey_girl10 0
WTF does her daughter have to do with anything?
jess6blondie9 3
duh why else would someone half your age be smiling at you?
Lord_of_0 4
It has eeeeverything to do with it...
stevenmx86 8
I'm confused.. Other than proving that you're not a youngin', what does your daughter have to do with this?
stevenmx86 8
Also pretty pathetic that an adult can't even form a proper sentence. I glimpsed myself...
cartedor 18
Too funny. Your daughter is pretty cunning, she didn't say anything and let you go around with tooth covered chocolate
StickyPickles 33
Sexy. . wait, no its not