Today, my date walked out on me during our first encounter when he found out my prosthetic leg wasn’t the result of "fighting terrorists to protect democracy", but a splinter that went septic and caused gangrene. Apparently I’m no longer heroic enough for him. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went on a date with someone I met on a dating site. We hit it off, until he noticed the MAGA sticker on the back of my phone. He excused himself to go to the bathroom and never came back. I had to pay for both meals and explain to the waiter why I was practically crying into my bowl of noodles. FML
Today, my date took me to some sort of comic book/computer convention. I think he was trying to impress me with his online reputation, but it didn’t come across as tech suave, it was more nerd pathetic, the kind that makes vaginas go dry faster than a sand enema. I went home alone, bored. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy that I met at a masquerade. The moment he saw me without my mask on, he left the date. FML
Today, I went on the first date I've been on in years. While walking into the movie theatre, one of my shoes broke. Then I remembered that I needed to grab my mask. While walking back to the car, my other shoe broke. After the movie, I tripped on my broken shoes, and brought him down with me. FML
Today, we were supposed to go to one of my husband's coworkers' party, but he had to go alone because we couldn’t find my prosthetic leg anywhere. I eventually found it, in the shed. The only way it got there was if my husband put it there on purpose so I couldn’t go. I think he’s embarrassed of me. FML
Today, it was my last day with my boyfriend before he went back to Germany. He lovingly said to me, "I will never find another girl like you. Unless I rip off her leg and tear out her eye." I’m an amputee, and was born with a blind eye. FML
Today, I told a guy he should be ashamed of himself for parking in a handicapped space. He hit me with his prosthetic leg. FML
Today, I went on a date with a seemingly nice guy I met online. He was drunk when I got there. Within the first 10 minutes, he had told me I was "like Hitler but with boobs", and I was "offensive to the ninja community." Then he said I just wasn't all he had hoped for and left. FML
Today, I was dumped by my boyfriend of 2 years. I'd been involved in an accident that severely hurt my right leg. As a result, I couldn't work out and gained 35 pounds, also due to stress eating and some meds I’m taking. Apparently I’m no longer attractive and he can’t have people thinking he’s a “chubby chaser.” FML
Today, I got stood up on a date. To add insult to injury, meeting up was her idea. FML
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Top comments
Plop 17
Did he just assume that was the cause, or did you initially lie about it? In the first case, he's an asshole and you didn't lose anything. In the latter case, well, it's a bit of mixed bag, but in any event, lying won't get you anywhere good.
RichardPencil 32
Just say it was an ISIS splinter, and then the heroic backstory will be credible.
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Comments (2)
Plop 17
Did he just assume that was the cause, or did you initially lie about it? In the first case, he's an asshole and you didn't lose anything. In the latter case, well, it's a bit of mixed bag, but in any event, lying won't get you anywhere good.
RichardPencil 32
Just say it was an ISIS splinter, and then the heroic backstory will be credible.