Today, my date took me to some sort of comic book/computer convention. I think he was trying to impress me with his online reputation, but it didn’t come across as tech suave, it was more nerd pathetic, the kind that makes vaginas go dry faster than a sand enema. I went home alone, bored. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went on a date with someone I've been talking to online for weeks. Unfortunately, it turns out they'd used old photos and misrepresented themselves, and I didn't find them attractive at all. Even I'm not that desperate. We ended up having an awkward dinner and I couldn't wait for it to be over. FML
Today, I went on a date with a seemingly nice guy I met online. He was drunk when I got there. Within the first 10 minutes, he had told me I was "like Hitler but with boobs", and I was "offensive to the ninja community." Then he said I just wasn't all he had hoped for and left. FML
Today, I went on an online date. I'd spent a while getting ready and making sure I looked good. When I arrived at the café, I saw my date and approached with a smile. He stood up, looked me over, and said, "Oh, I thought you were your profile picture’s friend." Then left. FML
Today, a guy took me out on a date. His imaginary friends joined us. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I met on a dating site. We hit it off, until he noticed the MAGA sticker on the back of my phone. He excused himself to go to the bathroom and never came back. I had to pay for both meals and explain to the waiter why I was practically crying into my bowl of noodles. FML
Today, I met my online date at a café. As soon as I walked in, I walked straight up to the wrong person, and launched into a 2-minute ramble about how excited I was to finally meet him. He just blinked and said, “I’m married.” My actual date was sitting right behind me, albeit a similar but not as good looking man. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy that I really like. At the last minute he informed me a friend would be tagging along. To keep his friend from being a third-wheel, I kept up a conversation, and managed to piss my date off. He thought I would be a better match for his friend. FML
Today, I was supposed to go on a date with a guy I really like. My friends convinced me that he was going to stand me up and that I should just stay home to avoid being hurt. He showed up; I didn't. My friends laughed at my gullible nature. FML
Today, the guy I’ve had a crush on for ever declined a date with me to see the new Deadpool & Wolverine movie because he isn’t interested in dating. I decided to go to see the movie on my own. I ran into him at the same screening I went to, all cozied up with another girl. What the hell does she have that I don’t? FML
Today, I had a date with someone I met online. We agreed to meet at a nice restaurant. I got there early, ordered a drink, and waited. And waited. An hour later, I texted to ask where he was. His response? "I’ve been watching you from my car for the last hour. Decided you’re not my type." FML
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Top comments
Chazzster 32
Well look at it this way, the two of you managed to weed out an incompatible set of interests fairly quickly and at relatively low cost. It sounds like both of you are better off without each other. No doubt OP will eventually find a suitable person to be with. And her former date will eventually find a person who shares their interests and respects him for the person he is. Both will be better off.
RichardPencil 32
How did that perfect plan fail? How could he know you were among that tiny minority of women that don't get hot for Internet-famous guys?
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Comments (3)
Chazzster 32
Well look at it this way, the two of you managed to weed out an incompatible set of interests fairly quickly and at relatively low cost. It sounds like both of you are better off without each other. No doubt OP will eventually find a suitable person to be with. And her former date will eventually find a person who shares their interests and respects him for the person he is. Both will be better off.
RichardPencil 32
How did that perfect plan fail? How could he know you were among that tiny minority of women that don't get hot for Internet-famous guys?
CowgirlWithHeart 16
'Cause online he's out in Hollywood, He's 6'5 and he looks damn good, He drives a Maserati, He's a black belt in Karate, And he loves a good glass of wine. It turns girls on that he's mysterious, He tells 'em he don't want nothing serious, 'Cause even on a slow day he can have a three-way, Chat with two women at one time, he's so much cooler online, So much cooler online.
CowgirlWithHeart 16
It won't let me edit so credit goes to Brad Paisley for "online"