Today, I spent some time in a sunbed to prepare myself for a very special reunion with my boyfriend, who I haven't seen in 6 months. I hope he likes crispy red butt-cheeks, and I wonder whether they will start peeling before or after he returns. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting to surprise him when he got home from work. I was laying in his bed when he called to tell me we were over. I couldn't leave before he got home. FML
Today, as always, my boyfriend has the ability to pop his eyeballs out of his eye sockets. He thought it'd be funny for me to wake up face-to-face with the disgusting sight. The shit in my bowels did an early Thanksgiving Day parade straight into my underwear. FML
Today, my extremely in-shape boyfriend told me he hasn't had a chance to work out lately. I jokingly poked him in the belly saying he's getting chunky and winked. He burst into tears. FML
Today, my boyfriend stopped by my house after work because he missed me. We made out for a bit outside, which involved some touching and then he left. When I got inside, I got a Facebook message from my older neighbor that read, "That was gross. Please don't do that again in front of me. Really." FML
Today, while sitting next to me, my boyfriend sent a text to one of his "friends" saying, "I'm thinking of you." FML
Today, while I was removing my makeup with my boyfriend watching, he mentioned that he used to think girls were prettier without makeup on, but he'd now changed his mind. FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me by getting his mum to message me on Facebook. I got the message while I was packing for an overseas trip to visit him. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy I had been talking to online for weeks. When I showed up, he looked nothing like his profile picture, and he spent the entire time talking about his ex-girlfriend. FML
Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me, all because he's scared of my mother. FML
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Top comments
lettertjes 0
Yeah. If you lie too long in a sun-bed, you can get sunburn. If you didn't know that, you're probably not old enough to show your butt to your boyfriend.
margxoxo 0
should have got out earlier.. you shouldn't risk cancer though. fyl.
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Comments (99)
littlemissdqgirl 8
I hope your bf isn't the ass smacking type
wreckem881 0
I'm the ass smacking type. especially in a situation like that
littlemissdqgirl 8
Then I hope your gf(if you have one) doesn't go getting burned lol
wreckem881 0
oh she gets burned .. in a sort of a different way though. wait what?
littlemissdqgirl 8
lol that was confusing
wreckem881 0
littlemsdqgirl, what does the "dq" stand for? you look like a real intellectual type, someone who enjoys pondering things ... is that at all true of you
littlemissdqgirl 8
Yes and no. I like pondering over things, but I wouldn't exactly say I'm intellectual. dq= dairy queen. I used to work at one and it just kinda stuck with me.
sammd44 0
put tons of aloe that has tea tree oil extracts in it - there's plenty of after sun aloe ointments that contain those two ingrediants...then exfoliate and keep putting on tons of lotion!! two great products are: Mary Kay extra emollient night cream, Mary Kay after sun cream, Mary Kay body scrub in the bamboo & lotus scent and another helpful thing is to put baby oil on immediately after ur done with ur shower while u still have water droplets on u - it locks in the moisture on ur skin and also makes u smell powdery fresh! GL!
LookinLikeDrake 0
seems like you have ass peeling expert experience
hwkitty 0
not necessarily. maybe she just has experience with sunburn.
Yaen 18
Or at least an expert at spending ridiculous amounts of money on stupid "herbal" products.
seanreddog 4
it's summer go outside
marierad 0
ummm. so advice....DONT DATE PPL IN THE MILITARY! its suuuccckks. (six months is the avg. deployment time) i know cause i dated someone in the airforce
wreckem881 0
I concur. i would imagine girls in the military are worse than guys, getting all dykey and gross like that.
madyeti 0
YDI absolutely for using a tanning bed. Tanning damages your skin, whether you burn or not. Use sunblock, and never use a tanning bed. Smack that a$$!
1d1r1a1g1o1n 0
I tan like crazy and I can't help it....two hours in the sun and my arms are dark!
autumn16 0
you did it.. everyone knows if you get in a tannin bed its best to use tannin oil or at least somwthin with spf.. i tan alot and i know if you burn easy dont get it one
margxoxo 0
#14, haha!! that's great humor. :D
perdix 31
Just as long as you didn't overcook the pussy, he'll be fine. You didn't overcook the pussy, did you? If so, take a sitzbath in aloe from now until he returns, because he's going to want that thing in good working order after six months of no sex. If he's not that urgent about screwing you, it means he's been getting elsewhere in your absence. Cheers!
DiNgO_lOvE 0
that sucks.... YDI
RedPillSucks 33
What? No "I like my buns toasted" jokes? FML, you disappoint me....