Today, my granny has been constipated for the past two days. She is too weak to get out of bed, so I ended up trying to dig the poop out of her butthole with a spoon. Yay me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was stuck in the car with my grandma for an hour as she described to me how she had looked through my great grandma's poop to make sure her calcium pills were being digested. FML
Today, I found out my grandma has been slipping laxatives into my food. Apparently, I was constipated once as a child and "once constipated, always constipated." FML
Today, due to medication I am taking that causes constipation, I have become all too accustomed to using a disposable rubber glove to dig crap out of my own butthole. FML
Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML
Today, I've had such bad constipation during my fourth pregnancy that I have now had to manually scoop the poop out of my ass to get things moving again. FML
Today, my grandmother helped out by cooking a dish for me. It was so sweet of her, until I ended up having diarrhoea because of it. Now I'm worried to breastfeed my newborn with her food in my system. FML
Today, I stepped in a turd. Not a dog turd, my grandmother's turd. FML
Today, my grandmother opened the bathroom door to find me eating a spoonful of Nutella while on the toilet. She is convinced that I was eating my own shit and will not stop telling everybody. They believe her. FML
Today, after having horrific constipation the day before, I finally got the rock hard turd out of my system. Things got awkward as I cried out in pain and my mom asked me what was wrong. Realizing the dining room and kitchen was nearby, I said "Never mind, it's gross!" I think she figured it out anyways. FML
Today, I'm taking care of my bedridden, 94-year-old grandma. She woke me up at 6 a.m. only to tell me her UTI is still there. Later, she made me interrupt my 15-minute-dinner a total of 4 times because she wanted things like "more lotion in her buttcrack." FML
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Top comments
weeping_willow 25
What in the ever living **** did I just read?
s_ve 7
I feel like that’s elderly abuse... have you ever heard of laxatives. A spoon? How does that even work. That sounds painful.
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Comments (15)
BurnInDemonFire 39
Why was that your go-to choice? Call a doctor, an ambulance, a relative, a neighbor... hell, call a complete stranger before mining her asshole with cutlery!
OrySoma 11
this is ****** but these comments got me in stitches 💀 🤣 😂 😭
AmbrosiaFan 19
Laxative.
Susan Yee 9
Why can’t you just lift her up and take her to bathroom?
Sady_Ct 38
Lifting someone, especially a frail person, can result in injuries for all the people involved, and that is outside of the main story anyway. As a nurse, when medicated laxatives don’t work, we use pear juice, and that works wonders. There are ways to ‘help’ the removal of stool, apart from medications, without using things like a spoon, these include such things as surgery as well as pushing on the muscles around the anus gently. OP obviously has no training and is dangerous to the person they are taking care of, this should have been dealt with long before it came to this point. In hospital or care facility setting, 3 days for the average person before intervention, and if the interventions don’t work it is off for surgery and a colon cleanse. The risk of tearing and leaking dangerous bacteria into the abdominal or pelvic cavity are insanely high.