Today, I climbed the tree in my backyard so I could cut off some stray branches. I ended up getting stuck, and instead of immediately getting help, my wife started laughing and recording me. The video is now circulating on Facebook, and my new nickname is "Hawkeye." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband finally got round to cutting down a tree limb in our front yard after months of me begging him. It fell on me. FML
Today, I was trying to convince my husband to not trim the lower branches of my favorite tree. After pleading my case, I turned around and ran smack into one of said branches. My face and my dignity still hurt. FML
Today, I spent a half hour trying to help my cat down after he got stuck in the tree on my lawn. I finally gave up and called a local tree care company to help. When I returned outside, I found my cat casually walking about by the door. The guy who showed up to help was not happy. FML
Today, I tried to propose to my partner in a creative way, but ended up getting stuck in a tree. FML
Today, I finally went to Home Depot to buy a chainsaw to cut down the tree leaning dangerously over my garage. When I got home, I found the tree had fallen and taken out the roof while I was shopping. FML
Today, my father was pruning the tree in our front yard. I was helping him collect the falling branches. At one point, a branch fell and I was under it. My father jumped to push me out of the way. Instead he pushed the branch into my face. FML
Today, my friends and I went to the park for some planking. Trying to find a daring spot, I climbed a tree and laid down on a branch. While I was waiting for my friends to take a picture, the branch gave out. FML
Today, I fell in a hole in my back yard and got stuck. My mother called the fire department. They all stood around laughing and taking pictures before they helped me. FML
Today, I tried a heroic rescue: a toddler’s teddy stuck on a fifth-floor balcony. I borrowed a ladder, climbed while sweating, reached it, and felt my trousers rip with a sound like Velcro in a thunderstorm. Dangling there with my superhero boxers exposed, three people filmed me while jeering. FML
Today, I was at Home Depot getting a Christmas tree with my family. While picking out a tree, a man thought it would be nice to help cut off the string that held the tree together. The branches hit me in the face and the guy managed to cut my hand. FML
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Top comments
ebonyirony 29
Put it on YouTube so we can see!
DocBastard 40
How does that old saying go? Oh yeah - Learn to laugh at yourself, because everyone else is laughing at you already, jackass. I may be paraphrasing.
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Comments (110)
KelseyDaBoyz 21
I wonder if she's your "Scarlett Johannsen", lol. (may have misspelled her name)
Llama_Face89 34
Hey, there are worse nicknames... My names Liam, so throughout elementary and junior high school I was known as Lamb, Lamby Pie, Llama and numerous other variations.
NikkiLong 6
I like the name Liam. It's a nice name.
Kayla860 8
Your wife is awesome!
Enslaved 38
How funny. "Hawkeye" was one of my words on "Draw Something"! If I were one of your FB friends, I would draw you in a tree instead.(:
sherivengeance 3
Your wife is awesome :)
rivaraven 35
Can we see that too?
AznSamoan52 10
"Hawkeye" is better than one of my cousin's nickname, "Titty bear".
dani72015 0
That's kind of cool
wowza1236 1
The nickname isnt so bad hahaha :D
outoftown 27
Enjoy the nickname, OP.