Today, I climbed the tree in my backyard so I could cut off some stray branches. I ended up getting stuck, and instead of immediately getting help, my wife started laughing and recording me. The video is now circulating on Facebook, and my new nickname is "Hawkeye." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband finally got round to cutting down a tree limb in our front yard after months of me begging him. It fell on me. FML
Today, I was trying to convince my husband to not trim the lower branches of my favorite tree. After pleading my case, I turned around and ran smack into one of said branches. My face and my dignity still hurt. FML
Today, I spent a half hour trying to help my cat down after he got stuck in the tree on my lawn. I finally gave up and called a local tree care company to help. When I returned outside, I found my cat casually walking about by the door. The guy who showed up to help was not happy. FML
Today, I tried to propose to my partner in a creative way, but ended up getting stuck in a tree. FML
Today, I finally went to Home Depot to buy a chainsaw to cut down the tree leaning dangerously over my garage. When I got home, I found the tree had fallen and taken out the roof while I was shopping. FML
Today, my father was pruning the tree in our front yard. I was helping him collect the falling branches. At one point, a branch fell and I was under it. My father jumped to push me out of the way. Instead he pushed the branch into my face. FML
Today, my friends and I went to the park for some planking. Trying to find a daring spot, I climbed a tree and laid down on a branch. While I was waiting for my friends to take a picture, the branch gave out. FML
Today, I fell in a hole in my back yard and got stuck. My mother called the fire department. They all stood around laughing and taking pictures before they helped me. FML
Today, I tried a heroic rescue: a toddler’s teddy stuck on a fifth-floor balcony. I borrowed a ladder, climbed while sweating, reached it, and felt my trousers rip with a sound like Velcro in a thunderstorm. Dangling there with my superhero boxers exposed, three people filmed me while jeering. FML
Today, I was at Home Depot getting a Christmas tree with my family. While picking out a tree, a man thought it would be nice to help cut off the string that held the tree together. The branches hit me in the face and the guy managed to cut my hand. FML
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Top comments
ebonyirony 29
Put it on YouTube so we can see!
DocBastard 40
How does that old saying go? Oh yeah - Learn to laugh at yourself, because everyone else is laughing at you already, jackass. I may be paraphrasing.
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Comments (110)
Psych101 9
I know a kid whose nickname is "BearClaw." You don't even wanna know how he got it.
perdix 31
Same goes for the kid we called "Goat ******." Don't even ask me, because I'm not going to tell.
ebonyirony 29
25- I knew a kid named eggplant once. It had nothin to do with him being large and purple.
SlayerElite 1
I knew a man named Titty, guess why. I dare you.
Louis0785 4
People call me Snow White because of my white skin.
Psych101 9
25- Sounds like American Pie: Beta House.
2ophiia 22
I have a friend whose nickname is Horse Boner.
Dixbfloppin 11
One of my friend's uncle's nickname was Tickles.
Soloman212 28
I think 41 takes the metaphorical cake.
whosindahouse 9
I get called loser.
xxBitchxPleaSe 6
... And that's what I did over the summer. Essay done
FMLKitten 15
25- That's odd... my brother knows someone called "Goat ******"! Don't wanna get into how he got that nickname either. My special nickname is Katniss as I'm quite skilled with a bow and arrow :-O But that's not bad.... or is it? *dun dun dunnn*
BulldogHoops 14
11- You're wrong, I most definitely want to know.
FMLKitten 15
Oh wait. Only the top bit of that was a response to perdix. The rest was a reply to this thread... Silly me!
Judahsh 8
My friend's name is muffin
buck33 14
I know a kid we call douche.
buck33 14
I know a kid we call douche.
kenzieraina 0
One of my ex's was nicknamed "Spankey". Hahah it's a really ridiculous story that I won't say on here.
zuzupetalsYO 11
33-no. That's not why. It's because we know about you and the seven little people...
BatemanFML 0
I had a buddy we nicknamed MC Hammer. MC stood for "moose ****." He hated it.
perdix 31
#86, better "moose ****" than "mouse ****," I always say!
SneakyCaveman 13
Must be a damn tall tree if you couldn't just hop down. Then again, why wouldn't you use safety gear if that was the case?
Kiki242 19
1 2 3 4 you must declare war. Get her back OP.
FirstTigerHobbes 13
A thumb war! Yeah, that'll teach her.
keepingitnasty 15
Could be worse, you could be known as señor pigeon. Prrrrrr!
perdix 31
Somehow, you are like an Iowan or Alan Alda's character from M*A*S*H? It must be a Portuguese thing.
JazzyByProxy 14
I had a curious Freudian crush on Alan Alda growing up, experiencing some regression in the midst of this post.
perdix 31
#27, it's easy to explain. Alan Alda has a cleft on the tip of his nose, so when you look at his face, you see this tiny little ass on his nose and everyone love asses! If ALF made you wet, there's also a straightforward explanation for that.
deemoe 5
Haha put it on YouTube
byRose 7
They are just jealous! You are now a renounced member of the Avengers. It seems your arch nemesis has tricked you and has pretended to be your wife all these years! WHAT A TWIST
weasel123 9
I think you mean "renowned member."
timmmmaaahhh 0
Divorce that Butch.
perdix 31
Absolutely! You shouldn't have to be with a sadistic lesbian.
Shrike 24
21- why on god's green earth would the OP take relationship advice from an obviously lifelong bachelor?
whitecloud197 0
hahaha id be proud of that nickname
CastielJ 6
Video or didn't happen.